It feels like all I’ve been doing is go to work, come home,
have dinner & go to bed. It’s not a rut per se, but it has been an ugly
cycle. I have desperately been
trying to shift my paradigm back to the more active always-productive
Sarah. Try as I might, I on a
plateau with a massive vertical wall in front of me. I’ve searched for a finger
& foot-holds. I found some, but when I would climb, but no matter how much
progress I made, I lose my grip & slide back down. People constantly grow & build on
skills. When we are tested, it may feel like we’ve experienced a setback, but
we’ve actually made progresses because we are a stronger individual than we
were prior to gaining the new skills.
Looking back on the enormous energy I expended after surgery
to do simple things like get out bed & sit in a chair or shower by myself,
the me of today is proud of the me from 18 months ago. But, today, I would not
be satisfied with such a mundane existence. I now look for other ways to push
myself. Despite these humbling benchmarks, in the day-to-day & week-to-week
of living, seeing progress is difficult.
Last week I took advantage of my office closure & had a follow-up
appointment with my neurologist
on Monday. She administered the standard neurological
tests. We started with fine motor, then
it was on to gross motor. I walked a straight line, then walked heal to toe.
She followed up this malicious examination by having me walk on my tippy toes &
then lean my weight on my heals & walk like that. She proclaimed since my
last appointment I improved remarkably. I thought she was being kind & even
joked when I wobbled on one of the tests that walking a straight line has always
been tough & my friends tell me I can’t pass a sobriety test sober. She qualified
her remark by noting I had better over-all balance & body control while
having a more steady gate. Still thinking she was full of shit, I thanked her
graciously had some girl talk about weight loss & then confirmed I my
6-month follow-up.
On Thursday, still thinking she was full of shit, I went for
a bike ride. Despite having tires that were a little soft, I noted how much
easier cycling was since the last time I road, (which is pushing 3 months ago).
I rode to the Chandler Bike Path from my apartment & then the entire path. (This is a round trip of 10 miles.) Like
I did on my first long bike ride, I passed Buena Vista & gave a wave to Providence
St. Joseph Medical Center & my caregivers there. I road to the end
& & enjoyed the accomplishment as I drank my water.
On my return, I was tired & unsure if I could make it
back. I figured more air was in order. I found a NAPA store with a
mechanic. He did not accept my offer to purchase air; he just gave it to
me. He even got fancy & took out his tire pressure gauge. I thanked him profusely & road away.
Filled with air for my tires & confidence in my heart for my
accomplishments, I knew I could make it home. I’m still not setting the world
on fire, but my Garmin Forerunner
GPS tells me my speed has increased, & I know additional speed will
come.
