Where's My Motivation?

This was originally intended to be posted March 20, 2016....

I wish I could recreate those moments where it felt so good… Only 5 weeks ago I had conviction. I was exercising daily. I was logging into my various apps, tracking nutrition, water, sleep and exercise. My conviction for improved health hasn’t been that strong since surgery. In 2011, I was just trying to be normal and prove brain surgery and the possible brain cancer wouldn’t keep me down. But this year, everything was different. This time, inspiration and drive was coming from everywhere…. There was the coworker who told me about his Saturday runs in the hills of Griffith Park and what caused the paradigm shift. We talked about simple things, like becoming a better runner is a matter of deciding to get out of bed or to sleep in. Then there are my running friends. They are slightly more competitive with themselves….

So much so that one insists you can't wear a FitBit while working out. You can’t fault her logic because a workout is a workout and the  FitBit is designed to track in your “sedentary” day. Then, there is the crew of people I met by joining Body Space. This is an online community of people on various exercise and nutrition plans working towards their individual health goals. I had all these forces pushing me to be my best and lighting the fire. But, now, finding that happy fire in my belly is impossible. I want to recreate these moments, but I’ve been struggling to get it together. What is wrong with me? All these conversations were happy accidents. Besides, in addition to these big moments, there were probably instances that were so small I didn’t recognize their importance to fire me up at the time. I don’t know how to get it back and trying to recreate these conversations may not yield the same results.

I got two slow miles in again. The cardio hurts like it always does when you restart. But even with my chest burning I pushed through most of the places where I wanted to start walking. And, I loved it. I forgot about the psychological thrill you get when you just go. To my surprise, going didn't seem that bad. It was fun and easier than expected. I need running like eating, I must do it before the day gets out of hand. Running in the morning also makes me more mindful of what I put in my body.