Reflections on Completing 1st Post-Brain Surgery Marathon

I did it! I did my first marathon post brain surgery, second marathon in my lifetime. With any endurance race, friends and fellow runners always ask, “when’s the next one?” Simple truth is: I don’t know. Marathon running takes a heck a lot out of you. You have to sacrifice time with friends. You have to build in time to sleep. And, learning what macro nutrients are ideal for this kind of mileage is like having a full-time job. Then there is the injury. Some can make it through a marathon without injury. I could not.

I did the best I could with the unique training schedule that was a result of working 60-70 hours a week during the first 8 weeks of my training when I should have been working 40 and laying a strong foundation. Fortunately, these hours as a project manager overseeing a 70 person company move and the completion of a new building also meant I was often walking 5-7 miles daily. Still, I could not escape injury.

When running a marathon, you constantly have to check in with your body. Is that a pebble in my shoe? Am I engaging my abs? Are my muscles tired or did I injure something? Unlike my first marathon, I don’t feel like I hit the wall… or if I did I just knew I had to keep going because you can’t stop running a marathon just because you’re tired.

At mile 17 my hamstrings started burning. There was a short line to get your legs sprayed down with something icy. I pulled over. Man, did it feel good. From mile 17 to 26.2 there were two more stops, three sprays in all. I probably could have skipped the last two, but mentally, it helped keep me going.

What I didn't realize during the race was that I hurt my left hip. When the hot walker (so named for their job and not for looks) collected me after I got my medal and took me around to gather food and gear check, I was sore. Legs, abs, arms all ached. These types of discomfort are expected after you run 26.2 miles. I kept walking. Found my family. Found my friends. I was stiff. Kept stretching. I couldn’t make my left hip feel okay. The next day, I had the same problem. Where the femur joins the ball socket of my hip felt bruised. An ultra marathoner friend told me to stretch, foam roll, and worst of all— take two weeks off— From everything! No running. No dancing. Not even weight lifting. I was only permitted to do slow short walks.  This was maddening. I knew I would go stir crazy.

And, while I was encouraged to be inactive, there was a convergence of life experiences that accelerated weight gain. 

I met someone.

While training, I joined a dating site.  On January 24, I was matched with a wordsmith. Because of the training and sleep regimen I was holding myself to, I told him we’d have to wait until March 20^th for a date. He was okay with waiting. Even though we only had text conversations, the cadence of speech, grammar and punctuation of Mr. January 24 was something to behold for this Writing Major’s heart. I wanted to give him Saturday, March 25.

Two weeks after our first date I did a four-mile run while Mr. January worked out with his trainer. We had a couple more dates like this, I do a short distance while he works out. I felt so good each time my foot fell on the dirt track and my arms pumped to give myself more speed.

And then somewhere in there, I got out of the habit of running.

We’d go out to eat. I stay up too late to hit the gym early in the morning. It was a perfect storm to create disgrace and self-loathing.

Injury = take a break from training (of any kind)

No race on the books = complacency 

Dating = happy love weight 

It was a trifecta that gnaws at your stomach and whispers in your ear, "you're going to be fat and slow forever." I have been annoyed, every time I get 8 pounds away from my ideal weight, my body holds steady, adjusts and then I gain the weight back. 

I signed up for the Pasadena half marathon in January 2018. I put a new training schedule on my fridge. Friends started to remind me about a fall race I said I wanted to do. I rejoined BodySpace. And while I was making these small but important Modifications, I called my gym to cancel my personal trainer... I had passed the year contract commitment. I could cancel, but I would have thirty days to use my training sessions I had in my cache. I had 57 30 min sessions. And, we decided twice a week to reduce these quickly. I asked for an hour each time to reduce my girth. Done. Now, I have to be at the gym at least twice.

The first training session with new trainer was rough but manageable. For my second encounter, I decided to do thirty minutes of running intervals first. I was quite sure I was going to collapse with the kettle bell side lunges or dumbbell step ups. I managed to eke out the workout.

I talked to him about appropriate weight. If I want to build muscle, if 12 reps is too easy, I need a heavier weight. (If we're being honest, I don't want to be too bulky, but I like it when I have more definition... More weight it is!)

I took a rest day; reset my BodySpace calendar restart at an appropriate level. I figure this is the plan I started with. Build the muscles, get used to waking up early, and get used to getting ready at gym. Then, I'll let myself start on the women's 20-39 max weight loss.

I didn't pay close enough attention- today was supposed to be a rest day. I skipped the rest and went for upper body.

I feel great. Feel like it's not hopeless. I also remember that after you have a certain level of fitness, if/when you take time off it feels like you're starting from zero. It feels like zero every time, but your body knows what to do. It's not zero and getting back into desired shape is not impossible. 

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Unexpected Cross-Training

I have forward momentum with launching a new cooking/dating blog www.stuffeddatesblog.com and developing several projects both with my producing partner and others with my writing partner.

Forward momentum in life is great, but forward momentum without logging miles to give you optimum cardiovascular health to continue the career momentum for years to come isn’t a good long-term plan. I have stumbled, and sometimes I feel closer to the person I was before I was introduced to endurance running. When the alarm goes off, I wake up thinking, “Oh my gosh, I have so much to do,” and then focus on doing & creating rather than going outside and doing one thing I enjoy, running. Despite encouragement from friends to get a race on the books, nothing has appealed to me and pre-planning all the way to May is something I can’t comprehend since I am directing and producing a short that will be shot in May. Running felt & sometimes feels like an indulgence.

One day, in mid-January, I received a call from Matt Patrick at LA Ballroom Studio. He explained that the studio I took group classes at changed ownership. He invited me to come in for a lesson to see what the new owners were doing. I struggled in the group classes I took last year (prior to change in ownership) and while the classes exposed me to new dances and excited me, I left with more frustration than anything. I took Matt up on his offer for a private lesson; I was in love. Matt’s teaching style was just what I needed and I actually realized that I could get this dancing thing. He asked me my goals and I told him that when I go I want to be one of the best dancers (not competitive at all). He appreciated the honesty and while it did take me several lessons to talk about the brain surgery (which proved as difficult as talking to someone you’re dating) he knows now. And, like any good partner/teacher, he didn’t give me sympathy. It was as simple as me telling him I like coffee.

I have learned so much in these few weeks of ballroom dancing, and it is more than just beginner dance steps. He has showed me how to improve movement in my daily life so I am more centered.  (Among the things, he pointed out I walk too quickly and showed me how to walk properly… which is far harder than it sounds. With my voracious need to understand and be good, he has given me exercises to improve core, balance, and things that will help with steps that would be good for everything from Swing to Waltz.

When I was dipping my toe into ballroom dancing, I was told that it is a better workout than running. I thought it might be an exaggeration. But, the time I spend dancing usually surpasses the time I spend on short training runs. With the dancing, I have experienced fatigue in muscles I didn’t know I have…

I am re-introducing running and with all the dancing, it’s like I took no time off.  It’s some of the best cross-training I’ve experienced. It is also turning me into a more poised individual. Ballroom dancing is changing my life more than I could have ever imagined. Growing up, I struggled with movement, and this was only exacerbated by the brain tumor. Ballroom dancing is better than any physical therapy I ever took growing up and thanks to all the work with Matt I am now able to experience something that has been denied to me for years.

Do I have a race on the books? No. But, I will be performing a ProAm (Pro-Amateur) routine in April. 

Running as a Barometer

I should be putting my brain in a box
and allowing it to power down
while I get restorative sleep.

Apparently, I’m at it again. Pushing myself too much & trying too hard to cram in as much as I can into a day. Consequently, I’m not focusing enough on sleep. I’m having fun, but the lack of sleep makes me hit the snooze in the morning and fumble through my catalogue of excuses why I can’t run in the morning. Usually, the excuses are valid- I NEED SLEEP. I’ve already shortchanged myself by staying out too late on a school night and to function efficiently at work, I need to capture as many winks as I can without being late to work.  

The drought of less sleep was short.  I had one brief date with a guy in February. In late March, after my hypnotherapy sessions with Brennan Smith to relieve my PTSD, I did what has become my bigger modus operandi - live with enthusiasm. We had several dates a week & they often took us past my bed time. The dates had deep conversation and we were sharing our joys and passions as we explored LA together. He knew I was a runner, and I knew he wasn’t particularly fond of the sport and smoked on occasion. Nonetheless, when he wanted to support me on the Nike Women’s 10k and we found out he would have to buy a bib to enter the Paramount Pictures lot, I invited him to join me. (I thought it may be fun as he loved movies and I used to work at Paramount.) This was ill-advised. I had intended to run with my female friends, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him “stay home” when he was making an effort to come out and see me.  This was particularly hammered into my head by one male friend who insisted I had to honor the new guy’s wishes and allow him to support me. With no training and only grim determination, this guy ran his very first 10k with me. He completed the 6.2 miles and several hours after the race, he cracked like a nut.   

I have mixed feelings about the outcome. I know this was a very difficult undertaking even if you are trained as I remember how tough my first 5 miles were. On the other hand, the race was a catalyst. I learned in short order some ugly things that may have taken me months to learn otherwise. Letting go of this guy was difficult as he had so many admirable qualities but after my surgery, I do not feel the desire to love a man into being the man my heart believes he can be. Will I be making future suitors run with me? Absolutely. It was a fluke the above mentioned gentleman ran a 10k with me so early into our dating. I will be easing future men into the sport by introducing them to my running group. Do future men I date need to run? No. In fact, in early email correspondence, I mentioned to one I hoped to share my love of the sport & on our first coffee date he told me in no uncertain terms that he would not run. At least he stood up to me & was self aware of himself to know this. He quickly followed it up that he cycles.

The world famous Bronson Gate.
Where an actor named Charles
Buchinski  changed his name...

I will not be using a running shoe as my glass slipper, but an interest in athletics is a must. I’ve come too far to backslide. I must focus on my health, sleep and the Hartford ING half marathon that is about 24 weeks away. There is no time to doddle.

Post Script - It seems a shame not to mention all the great things that I was able to reminisce about while being back on the Paramount since during my tenure I gave two hour tours and was also a mail carrier.  But, we never know what we're going to take away from any experience. I'm sure there will be more races and visits to the Paramount lot where I can wax fondly of my time there.

A Christmas Letter for You

In honor of the time-honored obnoxious Christmas bragging letter, please enjoy the next post.

December 15, 2011

Regretfully, Dear Friends I was unable to get out a 2010 Christmas letter as I was hospitalized at the peak of letter writing season. Not to shortchange you, I’ve included some highlights from last year.

Let’s face it, I am awesome. After working for the Senior Vice President of my old company & stretching the position & salary, I left to assist the Executive Producer of two local court shows.

On December 10, I found a new way to get across town. Hot damn. What good looking chauffeurs! There is no better way to travel at excessive speed & not get a ticket than in an ambulance. In short order, I arrived at my holiday vacation spot (aka Providence St. Joseph’s Medical Center).

I figured I’d keep my research for the Grey’s Anatomy spec script going & have some surgery on December 15.  Odds are if you are born on this day, I will remember your birthday, if not, too bad for you. PS for the record- the OR DOES NOT LOOK ANYTHING LIKE THE OR IN GREY’S ANATOMY.

In June, I traveled to La Jolla to visit my brain-tumor specialist & figured while I was down there, I might as well do my 6^th half marathon.

In August, I was going to have the opportunity to get drilled again, & as much as some girls are eager to get drilled, I passed.

Christmas came early, & in the fall, I was promoted to Associate Producer. Fall was also filled with imbibing & not enough running. Coupled with good eating, I added another 7 pounds… This was all a subconscious need to put on extra weight in case I had to get on chemo. Well, that’s the lie I’m telling myself.

I started dating! I’m really dating to lose weight. My December 9, 2011 MRI shows the tumor is shrinking. I’ve got the tumor on the run! I better start really getting some running mileage so I can keep this tumor & my waistline shrinking.

I do not want my new route to Burbank to overshadow darling rescue cat Robert, who has been busy growing 6 inch whiskers when he’s not busy taking gargantuan naps. He & I are both busy getting advanced degrees in how to speak the ancient language of Podling & often spend many a quiet evening doing so.  We are looking to travel in 2012 & use this in our encounters with other felines.

Robert says “hello.” We both hope you have a very Merry Christmas.

Love & kisses forever.

Sarah and Robert

The Slippery Slope of Fueling and Marathon Training

I’ve always had a healthy appetite, but my stay in the ICU caused me to lose weight. Part of this was because I was in a fair amount of pain from being intubated. I’d assume the O.R. used the smallest tube they could find, but still at only 4’ 11 (and half), my mouth and gums were bruised and it hurt to eat. I’d try to eat a little bit between my drug-induced naps, and still couldn’t manage to finish my meal before the next one would arrive. The 5 pounds I shed during my stay was putting me over the hump and well on my way towards those last glorious extra pounds that everyone wants to lose before they reach their ideal weight.

Shortly after being discharged, I was indulging in stress and holiday eating with my family. Despite walking a mile nearly every day after Christmas, and slowly building into short run/walks, I quickly gained the weight back. Then, I gained back even more weight.  I was operating under the guise “I survived brain surgery- I deserve to have cookies for a breakfast appetizer.”

I’m still short on the weekly mileage that I was running prior to surgery. Now, I’m walking the slippery slope of marathon training that many people encounter… I’m wicked hungry and I WANT FOOD. The problem here is that, I also need to lose weight. Many people want more food while they train, and who can blame them? When begining a new excercise plan it's tough not to gain weight. Many first time marathoners fall into the trap, I'm running more, so I need to fuel more. Then they gain weight. Now that I’m feeling healthier and a little more vain, I need to date again, at the very least to lose weight.

Shortly after I took up long distance running, I started dating my last boyfriend.  He is a runner, and even qualified for Boston. If he told me to run, I’m so stubborn, I woulda said, “are you off your rocker?” Lucky for the two of us, I already had the fire burning in my belly to run a marathon when we started dating. It was a perfect storm for weight loss success- cardiovascular activity + new boyfriend + vanity = 17 pounds lost. J 

Now that I’m single, losing the weight is more difficult. I have no one to impress.  When I was dating my ex, I didn’t want to look fat or gluttonous, so I didn’t eat as much as I wanted when we were together, which was usually every night after our runs. Naturally I lost weight.

May has been a good turn-around for so many things. I’ve got the most energy I’ve had since surgery, and my mind is becoming more singularly minded on being fit and healthy. I still need to remind myself that I don’t need dessert with every meal and that being a little hungry is okay, but with my 5 small (pre-planned) meals a day and my mantra when I go into the kitchen, “I know what cookies taste like,” helps get me through. My huge desire to reduce my carbon footprint also helps with my weight-loss goals.  Weight loss isn’t fun, but it helps not to think of it as weight loss. Last time I lost the weight, I kept telling people, “I’m not trying.” Their response was, “You’re running almost every day, that’s trying.” I’m taking each day in stride, working to get stronger and just make the healthiest choices for my body while remembering to enjoy life and make time to have unexpected fun and indulgences.