Two Weeks Travel

Totem Poles @ Stanley Park,
Vancouver, BC, Canada

I have returned from a whirlwind trip to CT, Seattle, & British Columbia. I’m not quite settling into normal… The normal I have had is not the normal I am pushing myself to shift into. I still desire to get back to running several times a week. I need to remind myself of what Sherry Lansing said during my college commencement, “you can have it all; you just can’t have it all at once.” I am certain that she was not figuring brain surgery or any kind of health set back. Set backs and bumps in the road are expected. It could be seeing Jeff, or it could be the talk of commencement speeches, but it makes me recall high school. The valedictorian was a mutual friend of Jeff & me. In her speech she told us we would have bumps in the road. She spoke of the pet goat who was neutered & on the same day of his operation, was hit by the lawnmower & his horn was cut short. Despite the goat withstanding these traumas all in an afternoon, he lived a very full & vibrant life. She encouraged us to do the same.

2-hour sunset kayak tour

I doubt the goat was concerned about shifting his paradigm to something more similar to the life he had before surgery. I know I am not the same person I was when I had surgery. Priorities have shifted- most for the better. While not fully enjoying the demand for sleep, I am making it more of a priority. Needing to stay active is also a  priority. This need is not driven fear to be fit for the next surgery. It is driven by joy & the pure ability that I can do it. I like being able to run 10 miles & I LOVE the new coordination I have because I don’t have the tumor pressing on my cerebellum.

While traveling in the Pacific Northwest, I was outside every day & walked everywhere… likely 3-5 miles a day. I never quite grasped the metric system until I took up running & because of it, I could assimilate & speak in kilometers when talking distance. The bike ride around Stanley Park was 10k (6.2 miles) & the round trip distance from my hostel to the breakwater in Victoria was roughly 5k. I probably kayaked 3k in Victoria harbor (with Kelp Reef Adventures) and my Vancouver walking tour (including a trip to Lynn Canyon) is an estimated 6k. The hike with Jeff through a path in the Cascades just outside of Seattle was 7.2 miles. I was never at a shortage of activities & even though I gained 1 lb, my clothes fit better. (I’m hoping that 1 pound is muscle, not pastry/ice cream/coffee.)

Lynn Canyon Suspension 
Bridge. Next time, Capilano
Suspension Bridge

I'm back home and it's time to get back to reality. Instead of 8-10+ hours of activity, I am 8-10+ hours behind a desk and wheel of the car.  I need to shift again and carve out time to exercise. Also, as Jeanette at Soloma Fitness has been reminding me, I need to build in activities throughout my workday, particularly because I have a stationary job. Small stretches, leg lifts, etc, will keep me in better health. Jeanette is also the reason I keep a carafe of water on my desk to drink through the day.

With the strength I have built from vacation travel and a focus on "some distance is better than no distance," consistent long distance will become normal again. (The dance classes I start next month should also add a fun cardiovascular activity while helping cross another thing on my to-do list.) 

From The Road....

Summer is here and that means Summer Olympics, but more importantly summer hiatus. Hiatus is that time when our production office closes for a much-needed break. In the past this has meant flying to visit family, usually coupled with ample downtime in Los Angles. By downtime, I mean cleaning & organizing mixed with time with friends.  This year has been very similar, only with a slight variation… my niece was baptized (so now I’m a godmother) and I’m traveling! Once emerging from the woods after surgery & not too far after my first post-surgical half marathon, I made a TO DO LIST. I do not accept the term “bucket list,” and have actually renounced this label. A “To Do List” is so much perkier and far more accurate, especially because I am not dying any more than the next.

After spending a few short days in Connecticut, it was off to the Pacific Northwest. What originally was going to be a quick 8 day trip quickly blossomed into a full fledge adventure. The more people I spoke to, the more I was encouraged to maximize my hiatus. I spent the first 2.5 days in Seattle visiting a friend I’ve had since I was 11. I stayed with him (Jeff) and his fiancé- we walked nearly everywhere. I thought Los Angeles was fit, but those in Seattle have us beat.  Seattle has hills that rival San Francisco, & I’m told the winters are milder and a good hike is a short car drive away.

Jeff has always been a tremendous supporter of mine. Despite me being shy through all of junior high and high school, Jeff was there. Had I been brave, I would have opened up, but even opening up to friends was difficult. When I was in the hospital, Jeff was one of the first friends to reach out, show support and give me rounds of the encouragement I needed to heal.  I am so happy that even though we live in different states we have become closer, and I am no longer afraid to discuss things that friends discuss.

Lake Serene in the Cascade Mountains

When Jeff has had to travel to Los Angeles for business, he has made a point of reaching out to me & making sure we connect. I have been looking forward to being able to see him in his neighborhood. Jeff and I were on track together- and I knew that he had become an avid hiker.  I only knew about the Olympics in Washington, mainly because of the National Parks series that Ken Burns did. When I suggested a hike in the Olympics, Jeff countered with a hike in the Cascades, where we can spend more time on the trail and less time in the car.  After sleeping in and a breakfast of pastry from Bakery Nouveau, we set off for the tail head. The air was crisp and as is customary with Seattle in August, it was clear. We hiked 3.5 miles in past moss-covered trees that looked like something out of "The Dark Crystal," past a waterfall where Jeff startled a hiker so much, she screamed for a solid 2-seconds, and up numerous flights of stairs. One would think the stairs would be no big deal, but after trying to maintain balance on slick rocks crossing rivulets and having moderate double vision  (more from the amount of visual information I was trying to process and less from fatigue) while trying to keep your footing quads and glutes were aching.  Jeff, who stands nearly a foot taller than me and has more hiking experience, did not lead us at any break neck pace, & made sure we had time for water and rest our knees. Still, I thought we hustled, but it took us nearly 3 hours to reach our destination of Lake Sere. And, serene it was. We dined on turkey sandwiches on fresh baguettes, taking in the beauty of the lake and the surroundings.

Like most endurance activities with friends, it always is a time to be introspective and share things you may not necessarily share in daily life. It was comforting to talk with Jeff about the successes I’ve had and share some setbacks I’ve experienced. As Jeff has always done, he gave the encouragement and reassurance, all in the right doses… reminding me that what I’m doing to stay in shape & stay positive. Staying positive is sometimes easier said then done with the incredible residual shrinking and growing brain tumor, but getting out in nature with friends and getting the blood pumping on a run or hike is a great way to bring my mind back to being thankful and living life to the utmost fullest.

A Breakthrough

Life is getting better. The challenges still vary and sometimes come out of left field. Some of the most difficult days are a result of days where I’ve felt great and skimped on sleep to work on creative projects. It’s tough because after surgery, I’ve been inspired to write more stories, try new genres of writing, & pick up my sword and go on crusades for funding for medical research. My friends have called me out on my lack of sleep, especially when they see I’ve written something and posted it on Face Book past my bedtime. Yes, they’ve given me a bedtime. They’ve allocated time to get ready, fall asleep and have time to get 8 hours so I can get up and get my morning runs in.

But, as I stated earlier, things are getting better, meaning anxiety in parking lots and the fear of touch are dissipating. My session with Brennan helped tremendously. The same weekend I had my session, I went out with friends and had a date. I did not feel a supreme need to punch someone despite the fact I was in a crowd. Interestingly, while my date and I were walking to the Santa Monica Pier (a tourist hot spot) a self-indulgent woman ran me over with her runaway baby stroller and proceeded to run over other victims. The woman behind me hollered, “I wish that was me; I would’ve hit her.” I chuckled to myself, and while moderately irked, I did not feel the need to retaliate. The new me (which is more like the pre-surgery me) felt even better when my date walked me back to my car.  I did not feel wary of being touched by him. In fact when he hugged me, I was able to judge him harshly with the quality of hug he gave.  (It was terrible.)

One of the many good things about Certified Hypnotherapist (CHt), Brennan Smith, is that he records our sessions so I am able to listen and reinforce the groundwork he laid.  I gave myself room to breath and assess the progress I made between our session two weeks ago and the following days. Since our sessions build on what was learned before, I needed to experience life to make the proper assessment.  Before Brennan and I were going to reconvene and discuss the progress, I had my 2^nd date with a different fellow. I thought it would be prudent to listen to our session again before the date so the trust principles could be reinforced.  Date two was different than the first date we had in mid-February since I owned the anxiety I was experiencing. I was still resistant to sitting too close since I didn’t want to engage in handholding. I was more receptive to the idea, which is fortunate because as the date was winding down, he commented on an email I had sent him earlier (which contains a link to my blog in the signature). He quietly prodded, “I see you have a blog.” And as I was kicking myself for not being more careful in my email communication, he put out his hand. My friends and I have debated how much of the blog this man has read and if he saw my recent post of being resistant to hand holding.  Weather he read that post or not, my truth is that I’m getting over my anxiety of touch and that I’m still recovering from surgery.  I took a deep breath and took his hand and then told him about my surgery & some of the challenges that have come out of it.  He has not run away— We’re planning a hike for our 4^th date.