Training While Traveling

I had the best of intentions when packing to go film in Atlanta and then travel to Boston and Connecticut to see friends and family. I packed my running shoes, pants, Garmin watch and various lengths of running shirts. Heck, during filming I woke up early one morning and contemplated hitting the gym. Instead,  I rationalized with my sleep deficit more sleep would be better. Instead of going to the gym, I slept and then had breakfast of waffles and peanut butter.

My trip to Boston was no better. I saw some good friends and sure, it’s Boston so there was walking, but staying an extra day to walk the Freedom Trail held no appeal. The most walking I did was from my friend’s house to the T stop (a half mile) and then taking a circuitous route from his office in the Prudential Center to my other friend’s work at Boylston and Tremont. In Boston, again, I had failed at carving out time to exercise. What I was successful in doing was drinking copious (for me) amounts of alcohol and eating terrific food while seeing friends.

And, what did I do when I got to Connecticut? You’d think possibly the week and a half I had at my parents’ would garner some exercise. Hardly. The most I did was walk a mile every other day with my mom and her horse. These short walks were often followed by a nap. Okay, so maybe I was over 8 hours behind on my weekly sleep goal of 56 hours a week. There are two times in my life I remember sleeping as much as I did,  the first was the weeks after my brain surgery when eating breakfast would tax me so much it often resulted in a 4 hour nap. The second time was the summer after I graduated college, and before I left for Los Angeles. I know sleep shouldn’t be the enemy. But, there is so much I want to do.  One thing that changed my attitude on naps was reading that Ryan Hall takes naps. Ryan friggin Hall naps! Holy moly.

Did I get any runs in during my trip? No. In fact, I left feeling fat and bloated from eating too much and not exercising.  On the other hand, I was deeply satiated by seeing family and friends. Now that I'm back in Los Angeles I can refocus. Sure, these miles are going to be more difficult. Prior to the shoot I felt like I couldn’t take time away from pre-production and invest time to run. This was a setback. This is also insane mind you. We are always going to have things that are going to clamor for our attention. If we want to live a long healthy life, we need to carve out time for us to maintain our fitness goals.

Back to square one. Again. I logged some slow short miles this week and next week will be more of the same. In all likelihood many of the coming weeks will be slow short runs before I feel ready to tackle an official marathon training program.

Happy New Year - 2013 Will Be Better Yet!

The close of a year and the birth of another always gives one time for reflection. We say goodbye to bad habits and with resolve say hello to new ones that will carry us to a better life. We must remember that the root of resolution is RESOLVE. Too often people view resolutions as more of a “I’m going to try to do (a particular task), if it gets too hard, it’s okay if I stop.”  About 7 years ago, I joined a goal group based off of a Flash Forward seminar I took. We encouraged each other to speak in concrete terms. We traded resolution, and replaced it with goal. 

These last two years have been more difficult than I anticipated. I look back to the person I was in early 2010. I was filled with goals and ambition. The brain tumor made it easy to work hard at work and work hard on projects when I got home and only sleep 6.5 hours a night. After surgery, life stopped being so efficient.  I needed lots of sleep to heal. Now, my sleep rhythm has returned to a typical 8-hour night of sleep. I’m losing 1.5 hours of efficiency daily by having a normal sleep pattern. I’m frustrated. Despite this frustration, I’m filled with excitement for the future and my productivity. Goal no longer feels like an appropriate term for the way I have defined 2013.

On my cabinet above my coffee maker, I have my 2013 Assertions. It is a list of daily non-negotiables and below that, long-term objectives. A business wouldn’t enter a new fiscal year without clearly defining how they will meet their goals, and neither should I. By seeing the assertions daily, I am constantly reminded what my objectives are.

The past two years while difficult have been good. I had the misdiagnosis of brain cancer and have over come the anxiety of that and the other misdiagnosis for the need for a second surgery. With those, I went back to my day job and got promoted; ran two half marathons; wrote a commercial for a dating site; wrote an 8-minute short film (still to be shot); & spent lots of time with friends. While I still struggle with PTSD, and need to concentrate on over-all health (who doesn’t), healing is no longer my primary objective.  I can now focus the way I have in years past on setting and achieving my assertions. I accept I am not the same person I was. I cannot weep for the person I lost and I cannot berate myself for not being the person I expected myself to be. We learn from each struggle we face.  I have learned sleep is important and I have learned to I need shake out the chaff of daily life to get to my objective. I have 

written my map and I am excited for what 2013 holds.

The Need For Sleep Peppered With Other Things...

The following was originally intended to be edited & posted by May 31, but work and life being what they are, here I am a week later revising and posting…

I am being better about sleep. It is still emotionally difficult not being able to function so effortlessly on less than 8 hours of sleep than I used to. While there is frustration that I’m “losing” hours to be productive, the surgery has not only required me to sleep more, the lack of tumor has enabled me to sleep. The other side effect in the new paradigm of more sleep is that the dynamic of friendships has shifted.  I know I cannot short my sleep and I have loving friends that remind me to sleep. Others still do not understand that even though I am 1.5 years post surgery, my body can no longer withstand consecutive days of 6-7 hours of sleep. Believe me, given my druthers, I’d rather be out creating or running or doing something… ANYTHING other than sleeping.

Sleep though, is necessary. It’s not just me who requires it because of surgery; it’s necessary for everyone. Sleep keeps cortisol levels down to assist with weight loss & if one wants assistance with this OR to train for a marathon or other race, muscles require sleep to repair themselves. If I’m going to be able to set a PR, my muscles must function at their best. For longevity, I must make sure that I maintain the instrument of my body if I want to run and/or continue with all my passions. That said, I’ve been able to start & stick to my training schedule. After have several false starts to my training, I have realized that for this particular go-round of training, I need to look at it on a two-week basis. Two weeks allows me to re-evaluate my success and failure. This is good on two-fold (no-pun intended), the production calendar for the show (JUDGE JOE BROWN) is every two weeks, meaning, one of those weeks, I have to be at work early because we’re taping and getting my run in will be difficult…. The other is because a more flexible training schedule will allow me to ease up or push myself more. I have the basic schedule laid out, but having the leniency is something my soul needs for the 2012 Hartford ING Half-Marathon.

While I have the half-marathon in October and various physical challenges I want to undertake this year, the need to run and lose weight also has a touch of vanity. 1. Swimsuit season. I’m probably one of the only California girls that HATES the beach, but when most of your friends love it and are beach ready, it behooves one to at least work to be comfortable, even if you’re not going to wear a string bikini. The 2^nd and for me more fun reason is Emmys. Yes, JUDGE JOE BROWN the show I am an Associate Producer for has been nominated for a daytime Emmy.  This means Emmy after party where a nice dress is required.  Pictures of the dress will follow. Pictures of me in a swimsuit will not!

More Sleep

Audrey Hepburrn in the
Parmount classic,
Breakfast at Tiffany's.

This weekend my kitchen calendar bares markings that it has never had. In giant black permanent marker Saturday & Sunday are blocked off for “SLEEP.” Yes, I had normal weekend stuff to do like grocery shopping and laundry, but when it came to a “should I do this activity” or an “I’m not maximizing these 48 hours away from the office,” I looked at my calendar and saw SLEEP was scheduled. And, who is one to argue with the calendar? Seeing my scheduled sleep gave me permission to just relax and just take in the breaths of life. I did what my friend, Rachel, has been after me to do since surgery- Sleep until I wake up and when I wake up, roll over and go back to sleep. I took the “wash, rinse, repeat” advice. Sunday I didn’t get up until after 11, which for me is much later than what I allow myself…

Truth be told, now that I have clarity of vision and purpose… (both physically from the tumor removal and spiritually from standing over the abyss) I admit that I have even more drive to excel, to be my very best, and to pack as many moments, memories, and opportunities into my waking moments. (And apparently, I’m packing as any words into a sentence as possible too) I can’t help the need to be do-doing. Without the do-do, I have always felt like I wasn’t pushing hard enough to break through.

After suffering a small break-down Saturday from working on a screenplay about my experience of life post brain surgery and watching a trailer for THE VOW and another one for 50/50, the PTSD reared it’s ugly head. I felt anxiety while grocery shopping and panic gripped me when I walked across the parking lot. My sister reminded me that I need to breath, and stop the do-doing. Stop trying so hard to always be busy working on my career or trying to prove something. (I have been trying to prove something since I was a child, so the concept of not trying is as abstract as string theory.) I need to just be okay with the quiet. (I never have been.) She reiterated that when the sad moments come, it’s okay. Having to readjust my focus or at least be okay with the idea of having PTSD and then accepting and allowing myself to experience the grief and anxiety is equally okay. I shouldn’t limit myself from seeing things that may/may not trigger sorrow. I don’t want to live in the anxiety and I don’t want to really hold on to the events of December 2010. But, it is part of my history, and a year and half isn’t that much time to readjust oneself.  If I quietly mention to of grief wafting into my conscious mind, they too let their guard down too and show their fear from December 2010. None of us are the same.  Our worlds are forever altered.

So, going forward- I have the PTSD hypnosis MP3 created by Brennan Smith, CHt, more sleep, more honesty with grief and fear and certainly MORE RUNNING! 

Running as a Barometer

I should be putting my brain in a box
and allowing it to power down
while I get restorative sleep.

Apparently, I’m at it again. Pushing myself too much & trying too hard to cram in as much as I can into a day. Consequently, I’m not focusing enough on sleep. I’m having fun, but the lack of sleep makes me hit the snooze in the morning and fumble through my catalogue of excuses why I can’t run in the morning. Usually, the excuses are valid- I NEED SLEEP. I’ve already shortchanged myself by staying out too late on a school night and to function efficiently at work, I need to capture as many winks as I can without being late to work.  

The drought of less sleep was short.  I had one brief date with a guy in February. In late March, after my hypnotherapy sessions with Brennan Smith to relieve my PTSD, I did what has become my bigger modus operandi - live with enthusiasm. We had several dates a week & they often took us past my bed time. The dates had deep conversation and we were sharing our joys and passions as we explored LA together. He knew I was a runner, and I knew he wasn’t particularly fond of the sport and smoked on occasion. Nonetheless, when he wanted to support me on the Nike Women’s 10k and we found out he would have to buy a bib to enter the Paramount Pictures lot, I invited him to join me. (I thought it may be fun as he loved movies and I used to work at Paramount.) This was ill-advised. I had intended to run with my female friends, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him “stay home” when he was making an effort to come out and see me.  This was particularly hammered into my head by one male friend who insisted I had to honor the new guy’s wishes and allow him to support me. With no training and only grim determination, this guy ran his very first 10k with me. He completed the 6.2 miles and several hours after the race, he cracked like a nut.   

I have mixed feelings about the outcome. I know this was a very difficult undertaking even if you are trained as I remember how tough my first 5 miles were. On the other hand, the race was a catalyst. I learned in short order some ugly things that may have taken me months to learn otherwise. Letting go of this guy was difficult as he had so many admirable qualities but after my surgery, I do not feel the desire to love a man into being the man my heart believes he can be. Will I be making future suitors run with me? Absolutely. It was a fluke the above mentioned gentleman ran a 10k with me so early into our dating. I will be easing future men into the sport by introducing them to my running group. Do future men I date need to run? No. In fact, in early email correspondence, I mentioned to one I hoped to share my love of the sport & on our first coffee date he told me in no uncertain terms that he would not run. At least he stood up to me & was self aware of himself to know this. He quickly followed it up that he cycles.

The world famous Bronson Gate.
Where an actor named Charles
Buchinski  changed his name...

I will not be using a running shoe as my glass slipper, but an interest in athletics is a must. I’ve come too far to backslide. I must focus on my health, sleep and the Hartford ING half marathon that is about 24 weeks away. There is no time to doddle.

Post Script - It seems a shame not to mention all the great things that I was able to reminisce about while being back on the Paramount since during my tenure I gave two hour tours and was also a mail carrier.  But, we never know what we're going to take away from any experience. I'm sure there will be more races and visits to the Paramount lot where I can wax fondly of my time there.

A Breakthrough

Life is getting better. The challenges still vary and sometimes come out of left field. Some of the most difficult days are a result of days where I’ve felt great and skimped on sleep to work on creative projects. It’s tough because after surgery, I’ve been inspired to write more stories, try new genres of writing, & pick up my sword and go on crusades for funding for medical research. My friends have called me out on my lack of sleep, especially when they see I’ve written something and posted it on Face Book past my bedtime. Yes, they’ve given me a bedtime. They’ve allocated time to get ready, fall asleep and have time to get 8 hours so I can get up and get my morning runs in.

But, as I stated earlier, things are getting better, meaning anxiety in parking lots and the fear of touch are dissipating. My session with Brennan helped tremendously. The same weekend I had my session, I went out with friends and had a date. I did not feel a supreme need to punch someone despite the fact I was in a crowd. Interestingly, while my date and I were walking to the Santa Monica Pier (a tourist hot spot) a self-indulgent woman ran me over with her runaway baby stroller and proceeded to run over other victims. The woman behind me hollered, “I wish that was me; I would’ve hit her.” I chuckled to myself, and while moderately irked, I did not feel the need to retaliate. The new me (which is more like the pre-surgery me) felt even better when my date walked me back to my car.  I did not feel wary of being touched by him. In fact when he hugged me, I was able to judge him harshly with the quality of hug he gave.  (It was terrible.)

One of the many good things about Certified Hypnotherapist (CHt), Brennan Smith, is that he records our sessions so I am able to listen and reinforce the groundwork he laid.  I gave myself room to breath and assess the progress I made between our session two weeks ago and the following days. Since our sessions build on what was learned before, I needed to experience life to make the proper assessment.  Before Brennan and I were going to reconvene and discuss the progress, I had my 2^nd date with a different fellow. I thought it would be prudent to listen to our session again before the date so the trust principles could be reinforced.  Date two was different than the first date we had in mid-February since I owned the anxiety I was experiencing. I was still resistant to sitting too close since I didn’t want to engage in handholding. I was more receptive to the idea, which is fortunate because as the date was winding down, he commented on an email I had sent him earlier (which contains a link to my blog in the signature). He quietly prodded, “I see you have a blog.” And as I was kicking myself for not being more careful in my email communication, he put out his hand. My friends and I have debated how much of the blog this man has read and if he saw my recent post of being resistant to hand holding.  Weather he read that post or not, my truth is that I’m getting over my anxiety of touch and that I’m still recovering from surgery.  I took a deep breath and took his hand and then told him about my surgery & some of the challenges that have come out of it.  He has not run away— We’re planning a hike for our 4^th date.

A Day Off With Core Training to Come

Who am I, Sleeping Beauty? My run last night felt great. (As great as a run can feel when you're fatigued from a day of work and long run over the weekend.) There’s nothing like sitting in the back of my car with the back hath open swapping my orthotics between the Brooks’ Addiction (the sneakers I wear for long runs) and my Brooks’ Arial for my shorter runs.  Simple things like this make me feel like an Elite Runner. The 2 mile slow slog did not, but this recovery run is key… not only to be used to running on tired muscles but to keep my weekly mileage up and to prevent injury. You can’t just do a long run on the weekend and call it good.

Despite a short run, early to bed and a solid 9 hours of sleep, I still found myself napping in my car at lunch.  At the request of my boss and co-workers, I called my neurologist. She said I need to sleep more and to take it easy.  From running my previous marathon, I know sleep is key, especially when you get into those longer runs. The combined major surgery and just effort of running is probably enough to make me require more sleep.

Tonight, no run. The good news is- I got my workout DVD in the mail!  I ordered THE PERFECT PREGNANCY WORKOUT. I am not pregnant, but after seeing the astounding results my pregnant sister had, I figured if it can do this for her, imagine what it can do for me!  While vanity may play a tiny part, the bigger goal is to have a strong core to make me a more efficient runner.  You cannot see the results of something without a before and after, so here is my modest Before.  A modest After will come later.  As you can see- I need more core strength.  I lost weight in the ICU, and then promptly gained it all back and then some eating the delectable treats that were brought to me to nurse me back to health. I got stronger, but didn't take into account that I couldn't exercise.

A Bump in Training

Last week was a particularly difficult week. During my lunch break, I would go out to my car to take a nap.(Somehow the 8-9, sometimes 10 hours a night I was sleeping wasn’t enough.) When I got home from work, I had all I could do to cook and eat dinner before I’d collapse in a lump on my couch. This is far from what is on my running schedule.

I knew coming back after surgery would be difficult, especially when my surgeon said, “you’ll either have the dexterity of a one-year-old or 3 weeks after surgery you can do 10% of what you used to do.” I figured while I’d probably make everyone around me miserable, I could get through “having the dexterity of a one-year-old.” The idea of being able to only do 10% of my normal activity was frustrating. Since I was doing 20 miles a week, the 10% resulted in two miles a week!

Once I was discharged from the hospital and feeling better after my surgery, I dug through my running archives and pulled out my first training schedule- the one that was taking me from non-runner to a marathoner. It was a 33-week program designed specifically for me by my running coach.  After my first meeting with my coach and running a couple miles with him, he combined his know-how with a modified Hal Higdon program to develop this schedule for me. The schedule got me through my first 3 5ks, 2 half marathons, and one marathon. I figured, I did it once, I can do it again; and my muscle memory will help get me there.

The marathon is by far too industrious for me to do at this time given working over eight hours a day at a desk tuckers me out. On the road to running a marathon, my first goal is to run a half marathon. But this blog is about getting in shape to run a marathon. From my experience, you need to be in two types of shape to run a marathon: physical shape to keep your cardiovascular and muscular systems in check to keep you going through those 26.2 miles and then the mental shape to keep you plugging away when you want to quit once you hit the wall and/or you’re feeling a little fatigued.  At this time, I do not have either. The half marathon will be a good way to get me back into the corrals and closer to be in the physical and psychological shape that you need to be in to run a marathon.

I have realized that since work is my own long run, I need to modify my schedule yet again. I will focus on day on day off running… concentrating on abdominal strength and moderate lifting when I’m not running. (I still need to be judicious with my choice of exercises since my neck was cut into during surgery and it doesn’t have the same strength it did, and I’ve found even girly pushups hurts it.)

While not the ideal way to train, the surgery has essentially given me a clean slate to see what different types of training will do. I had resisted abdominal and core training earlier since being those muscles were neglected, the exercises were difficult, but I know these are essential to keeping you going through the longer miles. A strong core will also protect your body on the whole. Prior to my December surgery, my goal was to run a half marathon in October 2011 in a sports bra and pants. This goal is too soon given my circumstances for my original plan of an October race. Concentrating on the core and arms is essential for any runner.