Running

YAY! It's not even 7am and I already got my run (and abs) in.

The excitement I have is better than expecting Christmas. I'm flying home soon to see my family. If these early mornings keep up, there'll be even fewer excuses to not run. I have several friends that would advise with all this energy I should do a double workout. I might not want to do another run, but a long walk would be nice!

Competitive Cross Training in the Ballroom

Last week was awesome! I was present in every difficult and easy moment, enjoying it all. It was a state of training, friends, performance and competition.

I love performing. Aside from the several showcases I’ve done since taking up ballroom in January 2013, I haven’t had a scrutinized performance since I did standup comedy in 2008. 

The Emerald Ball Competition is one of the biggest ballroom competitions in the country. Preparing for it was a physical challenge and I knew it would be a big mental challenge. Big challenges call for big guns. I broke out the CD my hypnotherapist, Brennan Smith, made for me in 2008 to have a first successful comedy set. I mentally adjusted the comedy-specific suggestions to a ballroom competition. I had one last listen before driving to the South Bay to spend the night with running friends so I could sleep in until 4:30am for my 6:15am hair and makeup appointment.

All the comp prep was similar to race prep. Friends. Food/Fuel. Bed (at a reasonable time). Like usual, I set several alarms and triple checked them, convinced something would go wrong. I changed only one thing: I put my own sheets on the bed, so the ballroom-dark spray tan I was rocking wouldn’t come off on their sheets. I woke up several times in the night (like normal), convinced it was 4:30am and I had to go get my hair and makeup done.  All of a sudden, I heard an alarm that wasn’t mine.

Holy smokes!

Thank goodness, the husband is the kind of guy that wants to walk a lady to her car. He set an alarm so he could wake up and escort me out.

I prep as quickly as I can.

I forgot I brought breakfast and went out to find food.

Foraging for food at 5am is not an easy task, and if you’ve stayed away from fast food for years, you’ll be very disappointed. I eventually found something and modified it enough, (asking for no bacon and throwing out the bread) and made something reasonably palatable. More importantly, there was coffee.

Hair and makeup was going to be at LeNique, the dancewear shop where I (and so many dancers) get their dresses. It was so early, there was even parking by the Culver City Steps, which never happens. I was breathing easy. Jim (my coach)and I were going to meet at 8:30 and my first heat wasn’t until 11. Endurance racing mentality wins out again. Biggest difference. You need hair and makeup for a ballroom dance performance.

The hair and makeup Snow Urbin gave me was spectacular. I rarely feel super girly, but Snow made me feel the most girly I’ve ever felt. The amazing thing is she did it all in an hour.

I changed into my dress so that way I could jump out of my car and run into the ballroom. I met Jim, my instructor and the other dancer who was competing. 

The ballroom was not intimidating. I had been there before, last year supporting friends.

Besides, I like preforming. It’s easier than standup. And, it’s certainly easier than walking from your hospital room to a gurney to get wheeled to brain surgery.

My heats came up. Pre-Bronze Rhumba, Swing, Salsa... quickly followed by Newcomer Rhumba, Swing, Salsa. There were other styles peppered in, so it gave me time to relax and work on dance combinations. The bonus is my ankles didn’t get tired because I’m dancing in heals that are .5” taller than what I normally do.

I ultimately finished with two 2nds in Pre-Bronze Rhumba and Swing. A 1^st in Pre-Bronze Salsa.  And, firsts across the board for Newcomer Rhumba, Swing and Salsa. 

I was happy with how I did, but naturally, I want to do better. There’s always room for improvement, with everything. I like chasing that next P.R. (in whatever it may be).  So while working to get in marathon shape, I’m now working towards being able to do more styles without my ankles giving out while really getting my arms and hips to move.

I took Wednesday off, and resumed workouts on Thursday. Friday became my long run day since I had plans with a friend Saturday morning.

 How else does one cap off a week of being one of their most girly? A little boxing and kickboxing at LAKO. Between the weight training and running I’ve been doing for the past month, I didn’t die. And, the bonus is that the ballroom dance adds a great element of stability and hip action.  I was so excited, I tweeted out that I felt like Paige VanZant. As of this post, Paige is a UFC fighter and on this seasons Dancing With the Stars. I was excited to have this commonality with a supreme athlete. I didn’t expect her to respond.

Yes, it was a good week. Now, to jump back into a training schedule and add hills so I can have a successful trail half marathon this fall. I feel like more and more I’m stepping into my athletic prime.

It happened again

I've been logging miles on my kitchen calendar, but I'm not carving out enough time for myself.  I need to "Snooze" less.

I cam back from my run invigorated to write a short pithy post- then I saw confirmation of the last time I wrote. I've had runs since then. They've felt great. Important things happened on them. (I should write that down.)

But, for today....

Two miles before work!

In your face world.

Where's My Motivation?

This was originally intended to be posted March 20, 2016....

I wish I could recreate those moments where it felt so good… Only 5 weeks ago I had conviction. I was exercising daily. I was logging into my various apps, tracking nutrition, water, sleep and exercise. My conviction for improved health hasn’t been that strong since surgery. In 2011, I was just trying to be normal and prove brain surgery and the possible brain cancer wouldn’t keep me down. But this year, everything was different. This time, inspiration and drive was coming from everywhere…. There was the coworker who told me about his Saturday runs in the hills of Griffith Park and what caused the paradigm shift. We talked about simple things, like becoming a better runner is a matter of deciding to get out of bed or to sleep in. Then there are my running friends. They are slightly more competitive with themselves….

So much so that one insists you can't wear a FitBit while working out. You can’t fault her logic because a workout is a workout and the  FitBit is designed to track in your “sedentary” day. Then, there is the crew of people I met by joining Body Space. This is an online community of people on various exercise and nutrition plans working towards their individual health goals. I had all these forces pushing me to be my best and lighting the fire. But, now, finding that happy fire in my belly is impossible. I want to recreate these moments, but I’ve been struggling to get it together. What is wrong with me? All these conversations were happy accidents. Besides, in addition to these big moments, there were probably instances that were so small I didn’t recognize their importance to fire me up at the time. I don’t know how to get it back and trying to recreate these conversations may not yield the same results.

I got two slow miles in again. The cardio hurts like it always does when you restart. But even with my chest burning I pushed through most of the places where I wanted to start walking. And, I loved it. I forgot about the psychological thrill you get when you just go. To my surprise, going didn't seem that bad. It was fun and easier than expected. I need running like eating, I must do it before the day gets out of hand. Running in the morning also makes me more mindful of what I put in my body.

Unexpected Cross-Training

I have forward momentum with launching a new cooking/dating blog www.stuffeddatesblog.com and developing several projects both with my producing partner and others with my writing partner.

Forward momentum in life is great, but forward momentum without logging miles to give you optimum cardiovascular health to continue the career momentum for years to come isn’t a good long-term plan. I have stumbled, and sometimes I feel closer to the person I was before I was introduced to endurance running. When the alarm goes off, I wake up thinking, “Oh my gosh, I have so much to do,” and then focus on doing & creating rather than going outside and doing one thing I enjoy, running. Despite encouragement from friends to get a race on the books, nothing has appealed to me and pre-planning all the way to May is something I can’t comprehend since I am directing and producing a short that will be shot in May. Running felt & sometimes feels like an indulgence.

One day, in mid-January, I received a call from Matt Patrick at LA Ballroom Studio. He explained that the studio I took group classes at changed ownership. He invited me to come in for a lesson to see what the new owners were doing. I struggled in the group classes I took last year (prior to change in ownership) and while the classes exposed me to new dances and excited me, I left with more frustration than anything. I took Matt up on his offer for a private lesson; I was in love. Matt’s teaching style was just what I needed and I actually realized that I could get this dancing thing. He asked me my goals and I told him that when I go I want to be one of the best dancers (not competitive at all). He appreciated the honesty and while it did take me several lessons to talk about the brain surgery (which proved as difficult as talking to someone you’re dating) he knows now. And, like any good partner/teacher, he didn’t give me sympathy. It was as simple as me telling him I like coffee.

I have learned so much in these few weeks of ballroom dancing, and it is more than just beginner dance steps. He has showed me how to improve movement in my daily life so I am more centered.  (Among the things, he pointed out I walk too quickly and showed me how to walk properly… which is far harder than it sounds. With my voracious need to understand and be good, he has given me exercises to improve core, balance, and things that will help with steps that would be good for everything from Swing to Waltz.

When I was dipping my toe into ballroom dancing, I was told that it is a better workout than running. I thought it might be an exaggeration. But, the time I spend dancing usually surpasses the time I spend on short training runs. With the dancing, I have experienced fatigue in muscles I didn’t know I have…

I am re-introducing running and with all the dancing, it’s like I took no time off.  It’s some of the best cross-training I’ve experienced. It is also turning me into a more poised individual. Ballroom dancing is changing my life more than I could have ever imagined. Growing up, I struggled with movement, and this was only exacerbated by the brain tumor. Ballroom dancing is better than any physical therapy I ever took growing up and thanks to all the work with Matt I am now able to experience something that has been denied to me for years.

Do I have a race on the books? No. But, I will be performing a ProAm (Pro-Amateur) routine in April. 

Marathon Training - How Important is it?

Hanging out with friends...

It has been a crazy couple months. I wish I could say that I was logging miles judiciously and that I was maintaining the same active lifestyle that carried me through 7 hours of surgery and allowed me to run a half marathon 6 months post craniotomy. Despite running two half-marathons, in a month (between October 26 and November 25), I have not been good about training. I would like to make the excuse of new job and then lots of freelance hours, but truthfully, there is no excuse. I trained for my marathon working 40+ hours a week while communing 15 and still managed to get a run in. What has changed?

At a recent gathering among running friends, they were curious to see when my next marathon would be. Early in the year, I was planning to do the LA Marathon in March 2014.  Now, there is no time to get my body conditioned to run that distance by March and I have no idea when my next race can be. I told them that I was busy with work and freelance writing and producing, but to satisfy my own soul I needed to do a marathon soon. I don’t want to be a “one and done racer” This caught them extremely off-guard because it seemed given my drive, I’ve done ore than one marathon.

I love running, but I’m discovering and admitting the simple truth about marathon training— it’s a lot of work. I get the one and done mentality. It’s tough when your friends have a get-together and you have to leave early so you can be well-rested before your long run. In general, you become vigilant with making sure you’re  getting enough sleep and the proper nutrition. I simply don’t know if I can become that singularly focused again after spending so much of my extra mental capacity and stamina on burning the candle at both ends to work on my career.

It’s never a wrong time to have a paradigm shift. You don’t need to wait until January 1. (Which seems to be a theme that resonates through my posts this time of year.) You can always say, “today’s the day, I’m going to start training for a marathon”

Do I know what my next race will be? No. It might not be a marathon, but I know running more than 10 miles a week is in my future, along with setting a PR with my next race.  The goal is also to set a PR in my career as well. Perhaps, this is enough? Perhaps not? I’m making a goal to make room for unexpected happiness. I will still plan and plot. Ultimately, I will get back into marathon shape, but for right now, there is more to life than running.

Exercise Excuses

Running is one of those things that got into my blood. I craved it. Four years ago, I went from having a desk job & not running to thinking of 10 miles as a short run.

Then, life got crazy, and we’re not talking brain surgery. In the same month, my office closed, I bought a house and moved.  Running got put on the back burner. Now, I’m scratching to get back to the fitness level I now expect from myself.

Psychologically, I’m in a different place. I don’t have to prove a brain tumor is going to control me— The responsibility of running and staying fit takes a different psychological stamina. The paradigm of 5 years ago is a big shift – Running is a major part of my life. It’s one of the criteria I used when looking at houses.  If I didn’t feel safe running in the neighborhood, then I knew the house was not for me. I purchased a house in a neighborhood that for the most part is not part of the grid system – there is a network of cal du sacs and seemingly dead-end streets that restart a couple hundred yards away from the alleged dead end.

It’s a great place to run. But, with the lack of consistent work looming over my head,  running seems to be a luxury. My friend Jeanette Soloma at #SolomaFitness pointed out that I should run even if it’s only a mile. This was a dose of my own medicine as I know I’ve blogged about that in the past. Some running is better than nothing. My muscles aren’t as strong as they used to be, but I can still do 3 miles. Muscle memory kicks in and I go. I also recognize that the excitement of rebuilding muscles and neuro-pathways to run every day could be a slippery slope… I know I can do 5 so I push for 5. That is not wise for the first long run. I don’t want to over-do it and then not want to run the next day, or worse, injure myself. I’m focusing on alternating hard/soft work out days. One day 3 miles the next day 2 or 2 and the next day one. Slowly rebuilding what I had. A mid-distance 5 miler is not far off then I can get back to the short 10 mile runs on the weekend. Even in my current state, 10 miles is my favorite distance. As I work to get back to the distance I love, I will continue to build in speed work. I have two half marathons this fall with the goal to PR on at least one of them. The future continues to look bright.

Non-Linear Recovery. So Be It.

Paramount's Famous Bronson Gate

I don’t know why it always comes as a surprise when I move in a linear progression with recovery then something happens and I am quickly reminded that recovery is NON-LINEAR. When I was younger and wanting to get into “The Biz,” I gorged on books and read countless examples of how one can achieve the position they want, and sometimes the position they have wasn’t what they expected. Sherry Lansing, former CEO of Paramount Pictures was an actress and even played opposite of such legends as John Wayne. She climbed her way to the top in what one may say an unconventional fashion. I loved her when I was younger, and I still respect and admire how she has paved the way for women in entertainment and what she does philanthropically. She is one of many who sidestepped their way to the top.

When I moved to Los Angeles, I interned on a one-hour drama… some of the writers took traditional routes of PA to writer’s assist to writer, then there was the writing team who started off writing video games and then turned one of those games into an animated series, and then they eventually were writing for TV shows.

Non-linear advancement is germane to the entertainment industry. Many will give you an anecdote of how to “make it” in the Entertainment Industry. Yes, there are non-linear paths in other professions, professions where one can get from point A to H, but maybe jump to I first and then eventually exit after Z. This non-linear has been my Modus operandi thus far.  If that’s the case, it’s only logical I would be drawn to an industry that has a non-traditional method of grading and advancement. If my life path and career path have been non-linear, why should my recovery be any different? In fact, I should take comfort that my recovery has been non-linear since it’s me.

This summer I am approaching my 10-year anniversary of living in Los Angeles.  During that time I’ve hocked swag (1 day) in front of a local grocery store (ironically down the road from Paramount); worked in retail; and done the traditional Hollywood entry-level position twice over, meaning I was a page AND I worked in the mailroom. From the mailroom I worked as an Admin Assist/Coordinator in the syndicated TV sales office.

Now, nearly 10 years after moving to Los Angeles, I am reminded that I have worked on two projects that were nominated for Emmys- the first being an LA Regional Emmy nomination for a PSA I co-wrote and now as an Associate Producer for Judge Joe Brown. We celebrated our hard work and nomination at the Beverly Hilton during the 39^th Annual Daytime Emmy Awards this past weekend.  Everyone on the staff has a different story of how they got here. Amazingly, even though he is the host of the second highest rated court show, this is the first nomination for Judge Brown.  During our

Fancy makeup-non-
running clothes-me.

celebration, he reminded us of the victories that we have achieved during the 14 years the show has been on the air. I am blessed to work on a great show and have co-workers I can call friends. Our hard-working staff and all the other TV productions reminds me of a conversation I had with our Senior Supervising Producer (whom I was assisting at the time). When I was chomping at the bit to come back to work after surgery, my boss reminded me: “This is television production. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. We’ll be here when you get back.” It’s true. They were there then, and they are here now. They are always looking out for me as we look out for each other going through medical crises. Judge Brown has been on the air for 14 years and last night we celebrated his first nomination.  There will be a win for him soon. Just because there isn’t a statuette on his mantle this week, it shouldn’t take away from everything he’s achieved and the example he’s set. I need to take the Daytime Emmys as an example. I must stop looking at what I’m not doing with the running and start looking at everything I can do…. And am doing.

More Sleep

Audrey Hepburrn in the
Parmount classic,
Breakfast at Tiffany's.

This weekend my kitchen calendar bares markings that it has never had. In giant black permanent marker Saturday & Sunday are blocked off for “SLEEP.” Yes, I had normal weekend stuff to do like grocery shopping and laundry, but when it came to a “should I do this activity” or an “I’m not maximizing these 48 hours away from the office,” I looked at my calendar and saw SLEEP was scheduled. And, who is one to argue with the calendar? Seeing my scheduled sleep gave me permission to just relax and just take in the breaths of life. I did what my friend, Rachel, has been after me to do since surgery- Sleep until I wake up and when I wake up, roll over and go back to sleep. I took the “wash, rinse, repeat” advice. Sunday I didn’t get up until after 11, which for me is much later than what I allow myself…

Truth be told, now that I have clarity of vision and purpose… (both physically from the tumor removal and spiritually from standing over the abyss) I admit that I have even more drive to excel, to be my very best, and to pack as many moments, memories, and opportunities into my waking moments. (And apparently, I’m packing as any words into a sentence as possible too) I can’t help the need to be do-doing. Without the do-do, I have always felt like I wasn’t pushing hard enough to break through.

After suffering a small break-down Saturday from working on a screenplay about my experience of life post brain surgery and watching a trailer for THE VOW and another one for 50/50, the PTSD reared it’s ugly head. I felt anxiety while grocery shopping and panic gripped me when I walked across the parking lot. My sister reminded me that I need to breath, and stop the do-doing. Stop trying so hard to always be busy working on my career or trying to prove something. (I have been trying to prove something since I was a child, so the concept of not trying is as abstract as string theory.) I need to just be okay with the quiet. (I never have been.) She reiterated that when the sad moments come, it’s okay. Having to readjust my focus or at least be okay with the idea of having PTSD and then accepting and allowing myself to experience the grief and anxiety is equally okay. I shouldn’t limit myself from seeing things that may/may not trigger sorrow. I don’t want to live in the anxiety and I don’t want to really hold on to the events of December 2010. But, it is part of my history, and a year and half isn’t that much time to readjust oneself.  If I quietly mention to of grief wafting into my conscious mind, they too let their guard down too and show their fear from December 2010. None of us are the same.  Our worlds are forever altered.

So, going forward- I have the PTSD hypnosis MP3 created by Brennan Smith, CHt, more sleep, more honesty with grief and fear and certainly MORE RUNNING! 

A Christmas Letter for You

In honor of the time-honored obnoxious Christmas bragging letter, please enjoy the next post.

December 15, 2011

Regretfully, Dear Friends I was unable to get out a 2010 Christmas letter as I was hospitalized at the peak of letter writing season. Not to shortchange you, I’ve included some highlights from last year.

Let’s face it, I am awesome. After working for the Senior Vice President of my old company & stretching the position & salary, I left to assist the Executive Producer of two local court shows.

On December 10, I found a new way to get across town. Hot damn. What good looking chauffeurs! There is no better way to travel at excessive speed & not get a ticket than in an ambulance. In short order, I arrived at my holiday vacation spot (aka Providence St. Joseph’s Medical Center).

I figured I’d keep my research for the Grey’s Anatomy spec script going & have some surgery on December 15.  Odds are if you are born on this day, I will remember your birthday, if not, too bad for you. PS for the record- the OR DOES NOT LOOK ANYTHING LIKE THE OR IN GREY’S ANATOMY.

In June, I traveled to La Jolla to visit my brain-tumor specialist & figured while I was down there, I might as well do my 6^th half marathon.

In August, I was going to have the opportunity to get drilled again, & as much as some girls are eager to get drilled, I passed.

Christmas came early, & in the fall, I was promoted to Associate Producer. Fall was also filled with imbibing & not enough running. Coupled with good eating, I added another 7 pounds… This was all a subconscious need to put on extra weight in case I had to get on chemo. Well, that’s the lie I’m telling myself.

I started dating! I’m really dating to lose weight. My December 9, 2011 MRI shows the tumor is shrinking. I’ve got the tumor on the run! I better start really getting some running mileage so I can keep this tumor & my waistline shrinking.

I do not want my new route to Burbank to overshadow darling rescue cat Robert, who has been busy growing 6 inch whiskers when he’s not busy taking gargantuan naps. He & I are both busy getting advanced degrees in how to speak the ancient language of Podling & often spend many a quiet evening doing so.  We are looking to travel in 2012 & use this in our encounters with other felines.

Robert says “hello.” We both hope you have a very Merry Christmas.

Love & kisses forever.

Sarah and Robert

Another Paradigm Shift...

With taking on a fitness challenge, setbacks are inevitable. I wouldn’t be serving myself or anyone else if I weren’t honest about the stumbling blocks I’ve encountered. I have continued to repeat Week One, hoping that I would be able to be more successful than the previous week. I’ve been told that “hopes” should be reserved for Santa Claus and that I need to be pro-active with my paradigm shift.   (Even though I have already shifted my paradigm once from a sedentary lifestyle to endurance runner.) People tell you to “grab the bull by the horns,” but really, this is difficult, no matter how many times you have or haven’t done an activity.

You cannot compare yourself to others; you must compare yourself to yourself.  I know what my body is capable of, but still this year is different than last year. Sunday marked the 3^rd Malibu Marathon. It is only a year ago that I ran my 5^th half-marathon with a 2-inch honkin’ brain tumor. Today, I need more sleep and face other challenges. Fortunately, my health isn’t in jeopardy like it was last year, but my health is different. Even though the tumor is gone, I was not able to maintain cardiovascular or quad fitness it takes to tackle the Malibu Hills. I can blame one of my doctors for sending me into a spiral depression so I said, “forget running,” or I can blame God for giving me a brain tumor. Really, the only person I have to hold accountable is myself.  It is for that reason my poor workout accomplishments are above.

The laundry list of failing each “new” week is quite extensive. With my setback, I remember to relish some of the accomplishments, and attempt to keep those as reminders to forge ahead. I over came a frustrating summer.  My Garmin died during one run and I have yet to send it back to get a replacement. I started wearing my Timex like I did when I fist started running. I took it back even more and threw my “drt equation” (distance equals rate times time) out with the trash- I simply started focusing on distance… I’d get there when I’d get there. Speed would come. And so far, it is slowly coming back. I did all this, and then I was saddled with something that added another layer of complication: more responsibility at work.  That said, I have taken the advice of other running enthusiasts: Get your run in before work, then it won’t matter if you work late.

Last year at this time I was feeling pretty crummy and couldn’t understand why.  My journal even quips that I wonder if I have a brain tumor because it’s the only thing that could make one feel this bad. I’ve got almost everything I want- family/friends, my health, great job, and soon a 7^th half-marathon. I’m not worried about time (although, if we’re being honest, it is fun to think about), I just want to finish and finish strong.

Quick Thoughts on Fueling During a Long Run

Have to run out, but more to come later today….

This morning my running group gathered at our normal spot to do whatever long run we had on our schedule. While I didn’t run a great distance, today’s run reminded me about the importance of fueling…. Fueling the days before your run and then during your run.  I didn’t skimp on dinner or my pre-run breakfast, but where I fell short and forgot what I had learned during my first marathon training regimen- eat while you run. I fond that I LOVE the Clif shot blocks, but figured that I could just leave them at home. Boy, was I sorry. Just short of mile 5, my muscles were aching for the potassium and nutrients the blocks provided. My running partner and I didn’t want to admit we were fatigued and walk. We just buckled down… reminded ourselves we would never run without fuel again and we pushed on.