Beast Mode

I feel like I’ve switched to beast mode.  It’s a term you don’t often hear in polite conversation, unless people are discussing Fantasy Fiction and Werewolves. If your around people that want to show off, (like I did when I was in college) they may even reference Humbaba the Beast.

But, I’m not trying to impress anyone with this near-obscure reference to the Epic of Gilgamesh and I’m often in this state alone. Beast mode is most often used by people training (for something) and is used to describe a mental or physical state in a state of serious training or at a level of high effort.

I gave high levels of effort when I was on the Track & Field team in high school… it was never beast mode. I was running 40+ miles a week when I was deep in my training for my first marathon; that was never beast mode. I didn’t even switch to beast mode training for my first post-brain surgery half marathon.

I was not here last week. Last week I was pre-gamming like I do for an endurance race. Rest, stretch, nourish. Then, show time. Last week’s ballroom dance competition I was in the endurance race head.

This week, a big mental shift happened. It could have been the two hours of boxing and kickboxing I did with a friend last Saturday. It might be that whole you need to do something a month before it becomes a habit. (I’ve been on a new exercise/eating plan for a little over a month.) It might be that this month of solid exercise, sleep and nutrition I’m seeing results… not only physically, but with my cardiovascular system. I’m enjoying this perfect storm that got me here. There were a lot of ups and downs. Now, I just need to stay in this space.

Back In It

I'm officially back in the game.

After struggling to make a commitment to myself and my over-all health, I've reached the point everyone reaches in training. It's the point where training becomes nonnegotiable. I'm not waiting for the mood to strike me or find time to train; I'm training.

The two weeks of lumbering out of bed to go run or lift weights has paid off. It could be the decreasing numbers on the scale or the tone I'm seeing. It might be the trail half marathon (with 5,000 feet of elevation gain) that I'm terrified to sign up for, but my friends keep telling me I can do. It might be my first dance competition on Tuesday or other personal (secret) goals I've set for myself. Whatever it is, I'll take it. I couldn't recreate the feelings from December that set me on the first path to health, but this one is so strong, I don't see it going away.

I'm excited to see/feel my strong legs carry me over the miles and on the dance floor. I like seeing the waist creep back in and feel the extra fabric on my dress that wasn't there when I purchased it. I have new goals set and a new mission.

Today while my marathon brain wanted to do my typical "Saturday Long Run," the logical dancer side of me pipped in and said, "Slow down. Don't tire out those leg muscles for the sake of mileage." And, so, I walked a brisk two miles and will remain focused on my immediate goal of the dance competition. I'll continue to stretch out to keep muscles limber while doing other exercises to work on form and patterns.

 Apparently, while getting back into Marathon Shape, I've become a dancer. The other night, while celebrating a friend and her new career path, she told people I was a competitive ballroom dancer!

Marathon Training - How Important is it?

Hanging out with friends...

It has been a crazy couple months. I wish I could say that I was logging miles judiciously and that I was maintaining the same active lifestyle that carried me through 7 hours of surgery and allowed me to run a half marathon 6 months post craniotomy. Despite running two half-marathons, in a month (between October 26 and November 25), I have not been good about training. I would like to make the excuse of new job and then lots of freelance hours, but truthfully, there is no excuse. I trained for my marathon working 40+ hours a week while communing 15 and still managed to get a run in. What has changed?

At a recent gathering among running friends, they were curious to see when my next marathon would be. Early in the year, I was planning to do the LA Marathon in March 2014.  Now, there is no time to get my body conditioned to run that distance by March and I have no idea when my next race can be. I told them that I was busy with work and freelance writing and producing, but to satisfy my own soul I needed to do a marathon soon. I don’t want to be a “one and done racer” This caught them extremely off-guard because it seemed given my drive, I’ve done ore than one marathon.

I love running, but I’m discovering and admitting the simple truth about marathon training— it’s a lot of work. I get the one and done mentality. It’s tough when your friends have a get-together and you have to leave early so you can be well-rested before your long run. In general, you become vigilant with making sure you’re  getting enough sleep and the proper nutrition. I simply don’t know if I can become that singularly focused again after spending so much of my extra mental capacity and stamina on burning the candle at both ends to work on my career.

It’s never a wrong time to have a paradigm shift. You don’t need to wait until January 1. (Which seems to be a theme that resonates through my posts this time of year.) You can always say, “today’s the day, I’m going to start training for a marathon”

Do I know what my next race will be? No. It might not be a marathon, but I know running more than 10 miles a week is in my future, along with setting a PR with my next race.  The goal is also to set a PR in my career as well. Perhaps, this is enough? Perhaps not? I’m making a goal to make room for unexpected happiness. I will still plan and plot. Ultimately, I will get back into marathon shape, but for right now, there is more to life than running.

Continuing to Run

I have recovered from my whirlwind trip to Connecticut and all the travel pains that accompanied it. With the Rock n Roll unlimited race package for 2013 staring me in the face, now is not the time to lay down and say, “I’m tired.” I know running enabled me to endure a 7-hour surgery and it allowed me to do laps around the nurses’ station after my hydrocephalus subsided. My constitutionals were never long enough and I needed to go for multiple laps. I know that my running got me out of the hospital quickly (as quick as you can count 13 days) and also enabled me to do a half marathon 6 months after surgery.

Like many, there are days that are difficult to throw off the covers of the bed and get up and run. Still with these difficulties, I need to get out there and do it. The more I do it, the more I am reminded how good it feels. And the more I do it, the easier it is. (The repletion and muscle memory are key here.)

Recently, I was back at a favorite local park. I did the familiar exterior loop of 1.3 miles and saw people I met years ago when I first started running. We gave the familiar running, “I remember you wave” and continued on our personal journey.

One thing I enjoy while longer runs is what I can see. Not only did I get to run through the familiar dappled shade (Yes, there’s dappled shade in Los Angeles County) I was able to see soccer matches and children riding bikes with animal helmets. I usually find something fun to look at or admire on these runs and I’m looking forward to future runs where I can see more.

While building to longer runs is a great motivator along with my need to get back into marathon shape, I have never had such a need to get out and run as I have recently. When the alarm goes off, I’m excited for the run, and I must let that excitement carry me rather than being weighed down by negative talk of tough miles. Tough miles, struggles, anything must be endured & learned from before you can really have fun and soar.

Friends Say The Darndest Things

Getting back on a training schedule remains difficult. I am past the point of excitement training for my first marathon and past the need to prove that the brain tumor has not altered my life. What remains is the phantom love of endurance running. The difficult journey is getting back to that and just laying down those first weeks of slow painful miles. My running will not improve if I don’t attack it with the same intense desire as I did when I started long distance running years ago. Soon, I won’t have a choice.

Distractions and excuses for not logging miles abound. My lack of focus on running continued when my mom came out for a recent MRI, and ended shortly after. On the way home from my MRI in San Diego, I took my mom to a friends’ housewarming. Besides showing us their wonderful first home. The husband convinced me it was a good idea to invest in the Tour Pass for the Rock n Roll Race Series for 2013. Yes, for one price, I can run as many marathons, half marathons & 5ks that are associated with the Rock n Roll Race Series.  Quick math tells you this is a good idea because entry fee for each race is nearly $100 and with four races being 300 miles or less from Los Angles, it’s money well spent. Besides the interest of cardiovascular health, nothing is a great motivator like spending money on a race. I’ve already dropped out of one race due to lack of training; I don’t intend to do it again.

Before committing to the Pass, I should have taken stock in who was advising me of the benefits of unlimited races. My friend is not just a hobbiest…. He and his wife are running a half marathon a month for 2012 and they are discussing doing 13 half marathons (13.1 miles) for 2013. I should have realized his sound advice could be problematic. But, taking a step back, it no more insane than just deciding to run a marathon. To many, setting out to run for fun already boarders on crazy, so I guess weather his advice was sound or not is a mute point since I may be a little crazy myself for loving long distance running and harboring the need to get back to running 20+ miles a week. Next stop- Pasadena Half Marathon in February, with a possible January half in Arizona thrown in.

AN UNCONVENTIONAL SIDEBAR
My doctor was so pleased with my December 2011 MRI, he postponed my follow up to June and then he had to move me to September. (All this is quite a delight since in August 2011, my case was brought up for consult to the tumor board for more surgery.) We were cautiously optimistic about the September 2012 MRI, but we were not expecting the results we got. Without the benefit of big Pharma, the residual tumor that was a worry is gone! My MRI looks like God went in with a Dust Buster and cleaned that sucker up.  Now that the tumor is gone, my doctor is more adamant to track my food. I had been keeping a traditional food journal, but that was proving depressing and I felt too much like a lab rat. BUT, I have been keeping a journal on my iPhone through MyFitnessPal, which feels more trendy and less cumbersome. Recently learned to export my food and exercise journal I keep on to a document I can convert to a PDF and give to him every 3 months.

The Need For Sleep Peppered With Other Things...

The following was originally intended to be edited & posted by May 31, but work and life being what they are, here I am a week later revising and posting…

I am being better about sleep. It is still emotionally difficult not being able to function so effortlessly on less than 8 hours of sleep than I used to. While there is frustration that I’m “losing” hours to be productive, the surgery has not only required me to sleep more, the lack of tumor has enabled me to sleep. The other side effect in the new paradigm of more sleep is that the dynamic of friendships has shifted.  I know I cannot short my sleep and I have loving friends that remind me to sleep. Others still do not understand that even though I am 1.5 years post surgery, my body can no longer withstand consecutive days of 6-7 hours of sleep. Believe me, given my druthers, I’d rather be out creating or running or doing something… ANYTHING other than sleeping.

Sleep though, is necessary. It’s not just me who requires it because of surgery; it’s necessary for everyone. Sleep keeps cortisol levels down to assist with weight loss & if one wants assistance with this OR to train for a marathon or other race, muscles require sleep to repair themselves. If I’m going to be able to set a PR, my muscles must function at their best. For longevity, I must make sure that I maintain the instrument of my body if I want to run and/or continue with all my passions. That said, I’ve been able to start & stick to my training schedule. After have several false starts to my training, I have realized that for this particular go-round of training, I need to look at it on a two-week basis. Two weeks allows me to re-evaluate my success and failure. This is good on two-fold (no-pun intended), the production calendar for the show (JUDGE JOE BROWN) is every two weeks, meaning, one of those weeks, I have to be at work early because we’re taping and getting my run in will be difficult…. The other is because a more flexible training schedule will allow me to ease up or push myself more. I have the basic schedule laid out, but having the leniency is something my soul needs for the 2012 Hartford ING Half-Marathon.

While I have the half-marathon in October and various physical challenges I want to undertake this year, the need to run and lose weight also has a touch of vanity. 1. Swimsuit season. I’m probably one of the only California girls that HATES the beach, but when most of your friends love it and are beach ready, it behooves one to at least work to be comfortable, even if you’re not going to wear a string bikini. The 2^nd and for me more fun reason is Emmys. Yes, JUDGE JOE BROWN the show I am an Associate Producer for has been nominated for a daytime Emmy.  This means Emmy after party where a nice dress is required.  Pictures of the dress will follow. Pictures of me in a swimsuit will not!