It's a Marathon, Not a Sprint

For a moment, I am going to take a small detour from the primary concept of this blog. Yes, this is a blog about running, but it’s also a blog about recovery and getting back emotionally and spiritually into marathon shape. 

That said, I had no idea that I took a major emotional and psychological detour in my recovery. While meeting with my supervising producer to discuss my progress at work; what I could do better; and how to put myself on a trajectory for supreme success, she looked at me, and blew a kiss and then dealt my ego a crippling blow. It took me a moment to recovery and I almost felt the need to tap out. But, after she told me everything I was doing wrong, (and what I could do to improve) she looked at me and simply stated, “I get it. We all know that there is a limit to our lives and that the clock is running. Last year, it became extra apparent for you. But, you’re living your life like you can’t live it fast enough.”

WOW. What a realization.  I had no idea that I had become so manic and so driven to reclaim my life and get to where I want and need to be. In July 2010, I left a desk-job and boss I love so I could work in television production full-time. My original position, I was still a desk jockey, but knew that I wanted to work towards being an associate producer. Brain surgery less than six months after taking a career jump, put my life and job on hold and I perceived that it set me back. I’ve struggled and worked hard to get back to where I was. Sleeping 8-10 hours a night was unconscionable in my mind and after the first hump of not consistently needing 10, I pushed myself to sleep less, and then sleep less than 8 so I could maintain the same productivity I enjoyed years prior to surgery. The problem with this (more than adding in morning runs) is two-fold: 1. My body is still healing & now that I’m running more, it needs to have restorative sleep so that muscles can mend and function properly. 2. Most people need 8 hours of sleep and there is no shame in requiring it.

"Let your light so shine before men, that they
may see your good works, and glorify your Father 
who is in heaven' Matthew 5:16

My supervisor is right; I do feel like I’m playing catch-up. I have two options now, I could judge myself based off my peers (which is easy since you always want to be as good as the people you work with), but I think the I’ll take advice of a friend, just strive to be the best that I can be that is within my capabilities.

I’ll tell you the what, the moment I accepted I was acting manic and living my life with the fast-forward button jammed on, it allowed me to take a step back to breathe, accept and love what I currently have.

A Thursday Post on Last Saturday's Run

Work has been... shall we say, nuts.  Copyediting the blog post I wrote Saturday took longer than normal. I hope you enjoy...

Even though I get to “sleep in” and get up at 6:30 on days of my long run, I was having second thoughts of driving 20 miles to The Dock (aka Dock 52) to meet my friends and throw down some miles. This had been a particularly long week at work and getting mid-week runs in were 2 miles on the few days I did run. My half-marathon is 5 weeks away and while lying in bed, it seemed like I should just keep mounting the excuses of why I shouldn’t go…

• I’ll never help me set a PR at my half. 
• The half will hurt regardless if I go or don’t.
•  I hate hills. (The half that half is full of them.)

There are so many ways of talking yourself of running or being your best.  The problem is that when we talk ourselves out of being our best and putting our necks on the line (to be our best) we are shortchanging ourselves and those close to us.  Naturally, in the early hours of the morning, the logic of what it means to ignore one’s greatness did not enter into my conscious mind. I knew that if I didn’t mount the courage to throw back the blankets and get out there and run, I would be kicking myself how I wasted the morning. I did not think about the perils of not stepping into my essence and the greatness that I am designed with. I threw back the covers for the simple and aching need to get out and run. (Seeing friends was a huge factor too.)

Sickness and volunteer obligations waylaid my friends, but I met two new members of the running group and we shared a mile and conversation together. It was just the three of us and since they were considerably faster than me so I suggested that they do the workout they need to do and we’d see each other along the bike path at some point. When they took off, I settled in and just ran… And somehow at my pre-operative pace.  Five of these miles were just me and my thoughts…

Despite my rough week at work and an anticipated rough week in the days ahead, none of that mattered as I laid miles behind me and just had miles ahead to think. As much as I love running with people, the solitude of long distance running is a terrific way to work out a myriad of things.  And even though I…

• Was hesitant to lace up my sneakers
•  Considered turning my car around when I didn’t see the rest of my running friends at the dock

I was supremely grateful that I dug my heals in and kick-started my Saturday with 6 miles. Just me and the road. As fatigue from the previous week melted away, all I had to think about

• My to-do list
• Sing random phrases of songs that came and went with the breeze

My training schedule no longer mattered. I was just running to see what I could see.

This is where I’ve been wanting to get to. I cannot ignore my training schedule since it exists to get me to my half-marathon, enjoying the runs and running for the love of running is something I’ve been craving to get back to after the rough summer. Now, I that I have a finger-hold on this desire, I need to keep moving forward and remember my desire on the days I don’t want to get up and run. I must keep my momentum so I can get back to where I can just run 10 miles (or so) for the sake of it.