Sharing A Tradition

You feel a lot of things on a run. You literally might waiting for your body to get warm before you can pour on more effort. You could be anxious because you’re getting to that portion of your training course you don’t like. Thoughts may wander or there could be extreme focus on breath, posture and arms. For me, the longer a run gets, the more varied (and sometimes wild) my thoughts become.

Author, Haruki Marakami observed, “The thoughts that occur to me while I’m running are like clouds in the sky. Clouds of all different sizes. They come and they go, while the sky remains the same sky always. The clouds are mere guests in the sky that pass away and vanish, leaving behind the sky.”

And that is what happened when I was on mile 4.25 of a four-mile run that became five miles.

Today was my ideal running weather. Sixty-six, overcast and a light drizzle. My intent was to get out extra early and conquer the hills that ate me alive two weeks ago. But, before I knew it, I was driving to The Encino Golf Course and Recreation Center. I love this place. This is where I overcame my fear of double-digit runs and where I made life-long friends.

In January, I started Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project. It’s helped me set tangible monthly goals, with the idea to keep the previous month's goal and add a new goal(s) the next month. Naturally, increasing weekly mileage each month was a goal I set in January. Another theme she tackles is “Try Something New.” With a new commute, I was going to read more, and I was going to achieve this using audio books. When I was at the library, perusing shelves of potential books “Sally Ride: America's First Woman in Space,” leapt out at me. I have no interest in space. 

“Try Something New.”

Being of a child of the 1980’s, of course I knew who she was. She was a hero to my teachers and being contemporary, we were strongly encouraged to do a book report on her. I knew she was the first American woman in space. That’s all I knew. When I picked up the CDI didn’t know what I’d find. I loved the book. And now, I love Sally Ride. I learned a lot of things, among them, she grew up in Encino, California, the very city where I did my first double-digit run. She is far beyond and more important than being the first woman in space.

Fitness and her endurance was quietly woven through the book. Running, was something she did well and it allowed her to do many of the physical things she did, among them, be a nationally ranked tennis player.

When I drove to The Encino Golf Course and Recreation Center I did not have Sally Ride on my mind. I was thinking about my mileage and the connection to friends.

I had four miles on my training schedule. I ran around the man-made lake looking at waterfowl and smiling at runners that passed. Then I turned to the familiar interior loop. I passed the golf clubhouse, the spot where Team and Training meets, through the area where there is exercise equipment and then a left to get the last mile plus done. It is on the backside of that course, along the over-grown area of the L.A. River, I thought of Sally Ride.

My soul started vibrating. I don’t like comparing myself to other people and don’t make a practice of it. I always try to do better than my best or do better than that goal I think I should be doing (even if that goal is realistically several years off). And, while I don’t like comparing myself to other people, in that moment, Sally Ride was on my mind.

She ran this course. I’m working to get back into Marathon Shape and running the same routes that Sally Ride ran! A unique run for sure. I focused on friends, posture, breath and then Sally Ride.

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REBUILDING MY RUNNING BASE - an embarrassing situation

Running. It must be done if one wants to get into MarathonShape. I know I ran in the last three months. Trouble is, I can’t remember my last run. I remember runs I’ve been on, but narrowing down a specific date eludes me.

I have fond memories of running my marathon- the crazy ones where I was running by San Diego’s Wild Animal Park with low blood sugar, and spectators wearing animal masks passed out Icees. I hit the mile shortly after that at mile 20 and remember my mom riding a bike as close to the course that was allowable. And, while hitting The Wall was not fun (why should it be, it’s call “The Wall” for a reason), getting in a shape where I can run 26.2 miles is still a goal. Trouble is, it’s not as big as it was directly after surgery. Directly after surgery I needed to be normal. I was chasing health while running away from the hospital, from the ICU and the deep fear that I was sick, the brain tumor would be part of my life forever. Perhaps, it will be. But, the further I get away from surgery, the less important running 26.2 miles is. 

I am chasing other goals… Chasing developing several TV shows, chasing the full Bronze that will lead to Newcomer Silver in Ballroom… chasing writing goals. And, while I chase these, I know running is necessary. It is necessary so I can have a long and healthy life so I can continue doing things I love. It’s also necessary for my soul. Running has given so much and I found a love for those long runs (even the short ones) with friends. It’s a great way to get out there and explore your city. And, you can’t do much exploring if you can’t run. So, I’m running. For now, not to get back into MarathonShape, but to get back my cardiovascular shape. To get back to where 10 miles feels good. And, to get back to that, I have to start slowly.

It’s embarrassing. I’ve run 10 miles. What the F is wrong with me!? I remember when I first

started running and had no experience. I thought I had to get out there and kill it each time. That is far from the truth. When I joined a running group, my perception started to shift. I had been pushing myself to run 3 miles a day. Now, on my first long run with them, I was regulated to run 1.5 miles. ONE POINT FIVE.  And on that day, while I waited for my then boyfriend, I met the man that would soon be my coach. He took me back to square one and a slow build. Yes, the slow build was the right way… even if it is torture for the ego.

I am back to square one. It is torture for the ego. I know when I was at my peak, I could run 3 miles in about 33 minutes. With time being a precious commodity now, on yesterday’s run, I didn’t want to go out and run 3 miles. I gave myself 30 minutes. Somehow, this was easier. For better or worse, I would get miles in while not sacrificing time from freelancing. In that time, I ran 2.33. From my fitness history, it’s not great, but this is start. More importantly, I got out for a run. By this time next week, I want to run 2.5 miles in 30 minutes, and then keep building. Each week I will reevaluate and figure out how to push myself. Getting out for 30 minutes is not daunting with all the tasks I have to do. It makes it easier for me to wrap my head around running again. It has become necessary for me to build back like I've never run before. It’s a little embarrassing, but that's the truth...

Surviving my 6th Half Marathon

Early Morning @ The Beginning of
the Inaugural Rock n Roll Pasadena
Half Marathon, February 19, 2012

Pick your saying- I can put another notch in my lipstick cases… punch another hole in my belt… or I can simply say that I successfully completed my 6^th half marathon. It feels good, except when it didn’t. From mile 10 on, I hurt. I’ve had more painful races, like mile 11 in Malibu where it was downhill or Long Beach 2011 where I got a DNF (did not finish), and my ego was severely bruised. My first race back after surgery was painful, but pride wouldn’t let me stop. I didn’t get the time I wanted here, but I did better than what I thought I would do. I told everyone I wanted a sub 3-hour race but secretly harbored a need for something closer to 2:45:00 (which is my typical time for hilly races).  I ended up earning a 2:46:07.

Despite being a race in Pasadena, CA the course wasn’t too hilly. Of course it had hills as most races do, but this race could have been more grueling as is characteristic of other races in Pasadena. Maybe, I was better trained for it, maybe the unexpected mental prep I had from running with the Pasadena Pacers several years ago along some of the same streets continued to serve me.  Several days after the race, I am experiencing that runner’s remorse and high. Remorse for not pushing myself more and the high of lemme do it again- I know I can go faster.

As I’m writing this, I know I am and have committed another error in training- I haven’t done my “shakeout run.” I know my muscles would be cranky during this, but it is something you just need to push through after a race (or any long run). I’ve been focusing on sleep.  Am I sleeping enough? NO, there is no time and why should I sleep when I have stories to write or friends to see and an apartment to organize. But, the difficulty of needing to do everything now is normal and my friends who have had brain surgery experience a similar insatiable need to do it all now. This is a whole other story and apparently will plague me for years to come.

A Thursday Post on Last Saturday's Run

Work has been... shall we say, nuts.  Copyediting the blog post I wrote Saturday took longer than normal. I hope you enjoy...

Even though I get to “sleep in” and get up at 6:30 on days of my long run, I was having second thoughts of driving 20 miles to The Dock (aka Dock 52) to meet my friends and throw down some miles. This had been a particularly long week at work and getting mid-week runs in were 2 miles on the few days I did run. My half-marathon is 5 weeks away and while lying in bed, it seemed like I should just keep mounting the excuses of why I shouldn’t go…

• I’ll never help me set a PR at my half. 
• The half will hurt regardless if I go or don’t.
•  I hate hills. (The half that half is full of them.)

There are so many ways of talking yourself of running or being your best.  The problem is that when we talk ourselves out of being our best and putting our necks on the line (to be our best) we are shortchanging ourselves and those close to us.  Naturally, in the early hours of the morning, the logic of what it means to ignore one’s greatness did not enter into my conscious mind. I knew that if I didn’t mount the courage to throw back the blankets and get out there and run, I would be kicking myself how I wasted the morning. I did not think about the perils of not stepping into my essence and the greatness that I am designed with. I threw back the covers for the simple and aching need to get out and run. (Seeing friends was a huge factor too.)

Sickness and volunteer obligations waylaid my friends, but I met two new members of the running group and we shared a mile and conversation together. It was just the three of us and since they were considerably faster than me so I suggested that they do the workout they need to do and we’d see each other along the bike path at some point. When they took off, I settled in and just ran… And somehow at my pre-operative pace.  Five of these miles were just me and my thoughts…

Despite my rough week at work and an anticipated rough week in the days ahead, none of that mattered as I laid miles behind me and just had miles ahead to think. As much as I love running with people, the solitude of long distance running is a terrific way to work out a myriad of things.  And even though I…

• Was hesitant to lace up my sneakers
•  Considered turning my car around when I didn’t see the rest of my running friends at the dock

I was supremely grateful that I dug my heals in and kick-started my Saturday with 6 miles. Just me and the road. As fatigue from the previous week melted away, all I had to think about

• My to-do list
• Sing random phrases of songs that came and went with the breeze

My training schedule no longer mattered. I was just running to see what I could see.

This is where I’ve been wanting to get to. I cannot ignore my training schedule since it exists to get me to my half-marathon, enjoying the runs and running for the love of running is something I’ve been craving to get back to after the rough summer. Now, I that I have a finger-hold on this desire, I need to keep moving forward and remember my desire on the days I don’t want to get up and run. I must keep my momentum so I can get back to where I can just run 10 miles (or so) for the sake of it. 

Sharing Brain Tumor Guilt

I visited to my old office yesterday. I did not anticipate the deep need to reconnect with friends and old coworkers and their need to reconnect with me. I arrived at 1 o’clock and left after 7 pm. During my time there we talked about life, running and current creative projects. I met new people who knew my story. I had learned that one good friend there (who is also a running buddy) was instrumental in getting a prayer group organized while I was in the hospital last year.  One fellow he introduced me to is interested in running a half-marathon. We encouraged him to run the Inaugural Rock n Roll Pasadena Half-Marathon. Then my friend caught me off guard when he said, “Sarah is a miracle. Look what she can do and she had a brain tumor. If she can push forward, you can do this too.” I’ve joked over the past months with friends about having a brain tumor and that they can't say they can't do something if I can do that activity with a brain tumor or post surgery.  Most recently, I quipped at one friend (who was lamenting she signed up for the Malibu half marathon and didn't realize it had so many hills) "You have to do it. If I can do it with a two-inch brain tumor, you can do it." Yesterday showed me that my tumor and story are apparently are large enough for friends to share and guilt people they meet into achieving their best.  While I want to inspire and help people reach into their souls and dig down to find what they can do, I did not expect the ripple effect this would have on my friends…  them pointing to me a benchmark for what success and drive can be… what is possible with the power of prayer and grim determination.

The grim determination got me through a lot- it’s why I was adamant to get physical therapy multiple times a day once I was stable enough to have it, and it’s why I needed to get out and run as soon as I did. The half-marathon 6 months post-op was a need. The attempted half in October was an epic failure, but a good lesson. I have been running for fun and getting better about making it a priority and shifting workouts to get them in before a long day of work. I did some research for a new running friend and found a training program for her. After joking around last Saturday and telling her she better get on it and train to do the Pasadena Half Marathon with the running group this February, I realized HOLY SMOKES THE HALF MARATHON IS 12 WEEKS AWAY! While my paradigm has been continually shifting, I must shift it again. I have to stop running for the sake of running and letting heat/cold/time (name the excuse) get the best of me, and I need to TRAIN. The program I found is not too different than what I had laid out for myself, but it’s from running guru HAL HIGDON.  That said, the Sunday after Thanksgiving is exactly 12 weeks from the half-marathon I have already committed to. I want to have the best experience possible while pushing myself physically and mentally. The question of the next marathon still lurks in the distance, but getting to a marathon as in life, I have learned, is about a series of successes and setbacks- it’s all about how you handle them and push forward.

CONFRONTING TRAINING SCHEDULES, HEALTH QUESTIONS AND DEPRESSION...

Just before my head is about to sink below the surface and I’m going to drown in frustration and self-pity for all the setbacks I’ve had, whispers of encouragement come from so many places. Last Saturday, I stayed in the Valley and ran with friends since the 405 was closed. (This closure was dubbed as Carmageddon.) The pace felt blistering fast, but when it was over, it was about an hour. It’s slightly slower than what I was running at prior to surgery, but I know without friends at my side, I may not have been able to push myself to accomplish this. (A 5-mile run in under an hour was my secret goal.) So I came close to meeting my secret goal. And I accomplished what was on my training schedule which includes weights and running. 

This week I’m continuing the weigh lifting, but I’m increasing my mileage.  (Yay!) One area that has been sorely neglected has been my neck.  Legs and cardiovascular are a given and for long-distance running, core is a smart thing to build up, but I had neglected my neck. It had bothered me during long runs, but exercising the neck is just so, well, boring. It didn’t really hit home until I was doing a push-up using a stability ball and after a set my neck bothered me. So here I am, training for an ultra-relay (190 miles)  and half-marathons and I have to worry about my neck. (This does make sense since my surgeon in essence filleted my neck to get to my cerebellum to resecet that darn tumor.)   So, I’ve committed myself to doing these lame exercises in addition to my normal long-distance training.

Not too far after surgery, a running friend who also goes to Bible study with me recommended that I read IN THE PIT WITH A LION ON A SNOWY DAY.  I never made it to the bookstore to buy it, but with my recent iPhone purchase, I downloaded it to the Kindle app so I could retrieve this book. Without turning a marathon training blog into a book report, the author, (Mark Batterson), raises a good point, “He (God) is always using past experiences to prepare us for future opportunities.”  So far, I highly recommend the book. Moreover, this idea slapped me in the face to just take what I’ve viewed as setbacks to my life and to training and let those experiences be my springboard to something else. 


This week, like all weeks for people on a training schedule, will be a challenge to balance with work, and friends, while increasing mileage and/or speed. It's not just the ultra-marathon relay or the charity half-marathon the following month, the training is about getting to each race and crossing each finish line at my personal best. 

A Look Back at February 27, 2011

My thoughts were heavy. The LA Marathon was less than a month away and it wasn’t terribly long ago where I was anticipating running through my new home-town. But, with the impending words “you have a mass on your brain,” followed by the surgeon’s warning, “you will either have the dexterity of a one-year-old or you can be doing 10% of what you were doing 3 weeks after surgery,” I knew the LA Marathon would have to wait.

I’ve been back at work for about a month. Prior to returning, I was doing the Jeff Galloway run walk for about 3 miles every day. I have yet to work a full 8-hour day and run in same day. The depth of frustration was great since working and running has been my normal for a few years now.  (It actually had become such a large part of my life that the nurses and doctors in the ICU were impressed with my strength, referred to me as an athlete, and my neurosurgeon said that my previous training would help me recover faster once he saw me post-surgery.) I still didn’t consider my athlete- sports has always been something I’ve struggled with, but apparently the paradigm shift I had taken in the last couple years put me into this untreded category.

My neck was tender- it was necessary for the doctors to slice into it to drill a hole in my skull to remove the tumor. It was difficult to sit up on my own, and I needed to be propped up by pillows. When I was first able to start running (Jeff Galloway style) with my sister and then my non-running parents, normal first started returning. It really felt like it was returning when I was strong enough run with my running group- Waking up early on Saturday and have my pre-run breakfast of wheat bread and peanut butter.  It was a difficult 5 miles, and half the distance of what I had become accustomed to when I wasn’t training for a race, but it was 5 miles and despite the level of difficulty, it felt good to get a long run in.  My running friends stayed by my side for part of the run, but they had other races on the horizon and I didn’t want them to neglect their training so after words of encouragement, we settled into our normal running paces.

I have made some of my best friends through this running club. We found each other through meetup.comWe don’t necessarily go at the same pace, but it’s great to have a friendly face out on the trails cheering you on. When we’re not running, we share training and nutrition tips- when time permits, we even get to have a meal together.