Dancing - Because I Can!

"From the oldest of times, people danced for a number of reasons. They danced in prayer... or so that their crops would be plentiful... or so their hunt would be good. And they danced to stay physically fit... and show their community spirit. And they danced to celebrate." Ren, Footloose

A Jive Fusion to Footloose
choreographed by Matthew Patrick.

When I was in Kindergarten, I was sick every Thursday. (Thursday was gym.) Nobody bought into this malarkey and my mom and teacher soon made the connection I did not want to go to gym. Due to poor gross motor, at the age of 8, I started taking Physical Therapy and continued ‘til I graduated primary school. Being able to do simple things like balance on one foot, toss a beanbag into a bucket or keep up with the other kids was difficult. After my cerebellur brain tumor was successfully removed (December 2010) and my brain regained a more appropriate shape, things got easier. I made a “TO DO” list and included “Become a better dancer.” I started taking lessons and fell in love with ballroom dancing. Now, I am dancing to celebrate.

I’ve never felt this good in my entire life. Yes, becoming a better dancer was on there, but it was a vague and amorphous goal. I did not expect my learning would include: Waltz, Tango, Foxtrot, Jive, Swing, Bachata, Salsa, Hustle, Rhuma, Cha-Cha…. And the list continues to grow.

Jim Clark and me, just before our pro-am
competition in Smooth.

I started ballroom dancing in January 2014. All my instructors had infinite patience. I spent many hours with Matthew Patrick, my first instructor. I saw him so much, if you looked at my calendar, you'd think we were dating. I had private lessons and then group classes and more private lessons where I could review what I learned in the group class. We were also working towards our performance of a jive fusion to Kenny Loggins’s Footloose on April 6. While he was attending a conservatory, Matthew Patrick took some time off so we could do a reprise of the performance in May. That same day I also did a pro-am Fossee style number with Miranda Eldridge to "All that Jazz" from Chicago. And during all this I started working with Jim Clark. He understood the weakness of gross motor, continued balance troubles and difficulties of overcoming a brain trauma.  He worked with me to build more strength and stamina with dancing. He suggested that we compete in the upcoming pro-am competition that between several studios in the San Fernando Valley. I was hesitant, but really wanted to do it. I confided these hopes and fears with yoga instructor, Laura Haug of Yoga Blend. She told me that if I had any interest in doing it, I should do it because I wouldn't want to look back and regret I didn't try this scary thing. Jim and I had a solid partnership and he continued to push me towards not just knowing key moves in begining bronze level, but to execute them with confidence and strength.  In July 2014, we competed. It's something I don't regret and now in addition to getting another marathon on the books, I want to add competitive ballroom dancing. As much as I loved dancing jive fusion and the rhythm dances, working towards this new competitive level of competing in American Smooth quickly had my heart, especially the Foxtrot.

Dancing has been one of those things I wanted to do, but never expected it would enhance my life so much or be so important… from the first performance on April 6 to the team match in July to continuing with a curriculum of working on building core strength, balance and right down to tendon strength. The emotional strength I have gained is something I did not anticipate. (Although, this seems true with many of us- we set out to achieve one goal and in the process earn something else.)

Miranda Eldridge and me dancing
to "All that Jazz."

I wanted to write more about the experience closer to it, but free time was devoted to dancing or running or writing…. Sitting down to intellectually write about all the emotions that come from  not only excelling in things you struggled with most of your life, but dealing with the ongoing PTSD, was not time I could commit.  I needed to use that "free time" and emotional space to physically make my body understand what it was learning while continuing to emotionally deal with being in positions such as the hammerlock or rotating between partners in group classes. Some of the later has proved and continues to be a larger struggle.

"From the oldest of times, people danced for a number of reasons…"

I will continue to dance. I cannot stop. The better I get the more I want to do it. To show off, to get better…. A better line, a better lift, better hip movement.  The more I do it, the more I understand how to move my body and be comfortable in me. It has not only given me physical strength and fortitude with confidence, it has given me emotional confidence in how I carry myself.

New Challenges

A mark of age is the accumulation of experiences that make you understand others better.  Some call this empathy. I always considered myself empathetic, but it wasn’t until my brain surgery that I truly became empathetic. I quickly realized we all have challenges (time, financial, health…) and we’re all in a state of recovery (recovering from a medical crisis, getting over heart-break, dealing with addiction…). While challenging, hopefully, we handle our circumstances with energy that keeps us moving forward.

Spring brought hurdles: The short film I was in development on received a note that forced unforeseen rewrites and consequently push back the shooting schedule. In part, the short was my rationale for not putting a race on the books. Time to run and create became further illusive when I booked a big freelance job working on a book trailer. I love freelancing, but with the longer than 8 hour day and unpredictable hours, adds scheduling challenges. Despite the frustration, I love it; this is a lifestyle I’ve built for myself.

I’m excited about living and probably have gone a little overboard at the buffet of life: Day job, freelancing, and I have a love affair with ballroom dancing.  It has given me a mental and physical challenge that I haven’t had since my childhood when I was taking physical therapy in addition to the regular elementary school curriculum. I might not be running 40+ miles a week like I did while marathon training, but I’m getting in 2+ hours of cardio in 3-5 times a week running or dancing. The dancing is building synapses, mending shaky confidence and helping tremendously with PTSD. There are days are that are easier than others. Some days, I’m near tears. One instructor pointed out that I look too safe when I dance. It’s true, but with the recognition of this, it helps me let go and just enjoy the music. Away from the dance floor, I try to visualize (like an Olympic athlete) executing the moves perfectly and then work on the kinks with the pros at the studio.

 

My first challenge came April 6 with a pro-am performance. I forgot how much I loved performing. The high is similar to the excitement that I got with acting— I couldn’t sleep for days. But, dancing is a whole new way of expressing myself that I never experienced. I loved performing so much, I signed up for the studio’s recital at the end of May. (One of my studio teachers convinced me to do another routine.)

Running another endurance race is gnawing at me. I don’t know if I want to set out to PR, but getting another goal on the books feels like the right thing to do. I’m currently looking at November races when I’ll be past my now-annual MRI and beyond the fall wedding season. In the mean time, the cross-training continues at LA Ballroom Studio. 

Unexpected Cross-Training

I have forward momentum with launching a new cooking/dating blog www.stuffeddatesblog.com and developing several projects both with my producing partner and others with my writing partner.

Forward momentum in life is great, but forward momentum without logging miles to give you optimum cardiovascular health to continue the career momentum for years to come isn’t a good long-term plan. I have stumbled, and sometimes I feel closer to the person I was before I was introduced to endurance running. When the alarm goes off, I wake up thinking, “Oh my gosh, I have so much to do,” and then focus on doing & creating rather than going outside and doing one thing I enjoy, running. Despite encouragement from friends to get a race on the books, nothing has appealed to me and pre-planning all the way to May is something I can’t comprehend since I am directing and producing a short that will be shot in May. Running felt & sometimes feels like an indulgence.

One day, in mid-January, I received a call from Matt Patrick at LA Ballroom Studio. He explained that the studio I took group classes at changed ownership. He invited me to come in for a lesson to see what the new owners were doing. I struggled in the group classes I took last year (prior to change in ownership) and while the classes exposed me to new dances and excited me, I left with more frustration than anything. I took Matt up on his offer for a private lesson; I was in love. Matt’s teaching style was just what I needed and I actually realized that I could get this dancing thing. He asked me my goals and I told him that when I go I want to be one of the best dancers (not competitive at all). He appreciated the honesty and while it did take me several lessons to talk about the brain surgery (which proved as difficult as talking to someone you’re dating) he knows now. And, like any good partner/teacher, he didn’t give me sympathy. It was as simple as me telling him I like coffee.

I have learned so much in these few weeks of ballroom dancing, and it is more than just beginner dance steps. He has showed me how to improve movement in my daily life so I am more centered.  (Among the things, he pointed out I walk too quickly and showed me how to walk properly… which is far harder than it sounds. With my voracious need to understand and be good, he has given me exercises to improve core, balance, and things that will help with steps that would be good for everything from Swing to Waltz.

When I was dipping my toe into ballroom dancing, I was told that it is a better workout than running. I thought it might be an exaggeration. But, the time I spend dancing usually surpasses the time I spend on short training runs. With the dancing, I have experienced fatigue in muscles I didn’t know I have…

I am re-introducing running and with all the dancing, it’s like I took no time off.  It’s some of the best cross-training I’ve experienced. It is also turning me into a more poised individual. Ballroom dancing is changing my life more than I could have ever imagined. Growing up, I struggled with movement, and this was only exacerbated by the brain tumor. Ballroom dancing is better than any physical therapy I ever took growing up and thanks to all the work with Matt I am now able to experience something that has been denied to me for years.

Do I have a race on the books? No. But, I will be performing a ProAm (Pro-Amateur) routine in April. 

Marathon Training - How Important is it?

Hanging out with friends...

It has been a crazy couple months. I wish I could say that I was logging miles judiciously and that I was maintaining the same active lifestyle that carried me through 7 hours of surgery and allowed me to run a half marathon 6 months post craniotomy. Despite running two half-marathons, in a month (between October 26 and November 25), I have not been good about training. I would like to make the excuse of new job and then lots of freelance hours, but truthfully, there is no excuse. I trained for my marathon working 40+ hours a week while communing 15 and still managed to get a run in. What has changed?

At a recent gathering among running friends, they were curious to see when my next marathon would be. Early in the year, I was planning to do the LA Marathon in March 2014.  Now, there is no time to get my body conditioned to run that distance by March and I have no idea when my next race can be. I told them that I was busy with work and freelance writing and producing, but to satisfy my own soul I needed to do a marathon soon. I don’t want to be a “one and done racer” This caught them extremely off-guard because it seemed given my drive, I’ve done ore than one marathon.

I love running, but I’m discovering and admitting the simple truth about marathon training— it’s a lot of work. I get the one and done mentality. It’s tough when your friends have a get-together and you have to leave early so you can be well-rested before your long run. In general, you become vigilant with making sure you’re  getting enough sleep and the proper nutrition. I simply don’t know if I can become that singularly focused again after spending so much of my extra mental capacity and stamina on burning the candle at both ends to work on my career.

It’s never a wrong time to have a paradigm shift. You don’t need to wait until January 1. (Which seems to be a theme that resonates through my posts this time of year.) You can always say, “today’s the day, I’m going to start training for a marathon”

Do I know what my next race will be? No. It might not be a marathon, but I know running more than 10 miles a week is in my future, along with setting a PR with my next race.  The goal is also to set a PR in my career as well. Perhaps, this is enough? Perhaps not? I’m making a goal to make room for unexpected happiness. I will still plan and plot. Ultimately, I will get back into marathon shape, but for right now, there is more to life than running.

Looking for Love

I know it’s been quite some time since I’ve written. With heat, travel, and work training has lagged. I am back on track with my training schedule; the time off has helped.  One thing I did during this break was see some movies. Without further adieu, I bring you a one-off MOVIE REVIEW….

SAG-AFTRA recently had their evening of short films.  One hundred sixty (160) films were submitted for consideration to participate in this prestigious night, but only 6 were selected. The story-telling style and genres varied, and while each film was meritorious, Texas spoke the most to me.

It is a hybrid genre (rom-com, family drama, coming-of-age) with a show-down scene as good as “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.” Writer-Director, Matt Johnson’s logline reads, "A cowboy meets his estranged wife on the Texas/Oklahoma border and tries to win her back. One problem...neither will cross state lines!" From experience crafting and writing films, Texas crosses and blends story-telling styles… Can people come-of-age in their 50s?  After watching Texas , your answer will be YES! In his short film, Matt explores what makes relationships tick and why they may go awry and if is it possible to get that love back. He does this all in 20 minutes! You don’t feel a need to ask more questions about what happens to the couple— Matt lays all the answers out for you. Like many good love stories, there is a happy ending, but the path to get there is exciting to watch.

Aside from a flash back, the film takes place in one location: at the Texas/Oklahoma border. Some filmmakers may shy away from making a bold choice like this, but you never find yourself saying, “I wish there would be a new location.” You keep asking yourself, “Who will cross the border first- Denny or Doris Ray?” The cheeky humor moved the story along and while a less-skilled director would have made the dialogue heavy film a series of talking-heads Matt and his team use space and distance to help tell the story, highlighting the emotional distance between this estranged couple.

It’s a no wonder why the team is traveling to so many film festivals. The Vancouver International Film Festival and the Louisville International Film Festival are two upcoming festivals that invited them to participate. I’m sure more good things are headed to the team. I’m hoping the film screens locally again so I can be part of this love story. If it’s in one of your local festivals, you should see it too. It’s not simply about the Texas/Oklahoma rivalry, it’s about something we can all relate to: The search for love.